I have some blogging to do to catch up on the last few weeks, but I just can't make myself do it. I have been training hard for the triathlon the last 2 weeks and I am just plain tuckered. I can't make myself upload the pics from the camera so Father's Day and my birthday week will just have to wait until tomorrow or the next day. But I did want to post a couple of interesting things Little E has said to me lately before I forgot them and to tell you about my amazing day so I can look back on a bad day and remember that some days are great!
First, on our way out of the cemetery after visiting you on father's day Little E said something that kind of surprised me. We had a conversation a few nights before where she was pretending to be scared of a monster, and I told her that you had blessed the house so no monsters could come in it. Then we had another conversation where I told her about how you keep her safe and sound even though she can't see you. As we were leaving the cemetery she looked at me and said, "I love my daddy, mommy. He keeps me safe from bad spirits." I was surprised because I can't remember ever using the term "Bad spirits" with her. I have definitely used the word spirits a lot, but that is different. It was very interesting and I am curious where she came up with that idea, and what truth there may be to that simple statement. I know you watch over us, and maybe she is more aware of what you are doing that I am? Who knows. I will say that I don't feel too scared at night most of the time, which still surprises me. I just feel like nothing bad is going to happen and we are safe. I hope part of that feeling is coming from your being there to watch over us.
The other thing she said to me today as she was waking up from her nap. I was pretty excited because she had woken herself up because she needed to use the restroom (instead of wetting the bed! We are definitely making progress here!) But she wasn't really happy about waking up so we just snuggled in my bed. She was quiet and smelled her silky for a while with her eyes closed. I thought she might fall back asleep, but instead she opened her eyes, looked at me and asked, "Mommy, is Daddy alive again now?" It broke my heart to tell her no. I keep trying to help her understand that the resurrection probably won't happen until we have all died. In fact that was another funny thing she said on the way out of the cemetery Sunday. I told her we would probably all die before you lived again, and she said, "Mommy I don't want to die. You can die, Little M can die, and Nana can die. But I am not going to!" I told her that I was just fine with that and had to laugh at how determined she was. I have to admit though, when she asked me if you were alive again now, I had a moment where I hoped she knew something I didn't. Wouldn't that have been a treat to wake up to? But instead I just got to snuggle her and enjoy the golden curls on her head and her beautiful blue eyes peaking over her silky. She really is a treat.
I was amazed at how good I felt walking out of the temple. I felt so light and carefree. I really think it would make a big difference in my life if I could go more often. I am going to try to make it up at least every other week if possible. That was our goal after we first got married and I think it is a good goal to aim for.
After going to the temple I had to dash home to pick up Little M and Little E for a doctors apt. Little M has been on antibiotics for yet another ear infection. He was on Azithromycene (how is that spelled?) and developed a rash that needed to be checked out. Then back home to nap time.
After we woke up and had our little conversation in bed I got us all ready to run back to town and took Britteny your cousin out to dinner at the pizza buffet to thank her for babysitting yesterday while I swam. Plus I really wanted to visit with her. Little E had a great time messing with the lights in the booth and stealing bites of my desert pizza. Little M just scarfed his food while flirting with Britteny and blowing razz-berries.
Then it was back home for bedtime because the little boy was very tired! I fed him a bedtime snack while Little E ate an apple in the backyard and chased Trek around. Then I gave them both baths and got the boy to sleep. Little E was being very good and calm so I offered to paint her toenails as a treat (I shouldn't have used that word though because when we were done she thought she was going to get candy too). I have really had a hard time making it to bedtime while still being "nice mommy" lately so it felt amazing to paint her cute nails, read her stories, and say good night to her without losing my temper! I felt like a superhero and was so happy to end the day with a smile on my face. I know it took the help of three of my friends/family to make it through the day, but it turned out to be an AMAZING day. I am so grateful for all the help I am given on a daily basis. I really don't know how I would make it through a week on my own. In fact I am pretty sure I couldn't. You know the saying "It takes a village to raise a child." I would definitely have to agree with it!
I know that was probably a really long and boring post, but I wanted to record for myself what a good day feels like because I am sure they aren't all going to end this well. In fact, most of them wont. I usually end up barely managing to get through stories and prayer with Little E before I go collapse on the couch with my last nerve hanging by a tiny thread, if its intact at all. But I wouldn't trade my days with these kids for the world. They are my everything and I am so grateful to have them. Thank you so much for blessing me with them honey.
Love,
Jenny
