Family Newsletter 2011

Happy Holidays. This year we did our newsletter through email. But I managed to get a screen shot of it and will add the newsletter below. We hope this Holiday Season brought all of you joy and wonderful memories.

Dear Friends and Family,

What an amazing year 2011 has been. I honestly feel like the whole year has been on fast forward. We have had so many wonderful experiences. In the beginning of the year we were blessed to have my nephew Alan live with us. It was wonderful to hang out with him. He has always been so much fun to be around and it was great to see the amazing person he is becoming. He is currently serving an LDS mission in Italy and I couldn’t be more proud.

I have been able to attend 2 LDS widows conferences in Bountiful, UT this year. The people I have met there have had a vast impact on how I perceive the world that I have found myself living in. I enjoyed some very choice experiences there and am very grateful for the wonderful people that put their heart and souls into making such a supportive group.

One of the things I have discovered this year is that I LOVE reorganizing and redoing the rooms in our home.  At first I felt like I couldn’t move or touch anything because I couldn’t face the idea of change, but now I find myself loving every picture I put up, and whenever I become more organized our home runs more smoothly and I end up a happier mommy. It has been very therapeutic for me every time I have made something my own.

This summer was filled with family and fun. In May we were able to take a trip with my parents to visit lots of family and friends.  (Uncle Bob, Grandma and Grandpa Hamilton, Grannie Annie,  Missy, Grandma and Grandpa M, and the Carlson’s.) We were also able to visit the place where Michael passed away for the first time. It is beautiful there and I felt such peace. I am sure that he is happy and content with how Heavenly Father planned this, and that brings me peace too.  The whole trip was filled to the brim with amazing people and places and I am so grateful that my parents helped us to go so we could visit everyone.

When we came home we were able to celebrate Michael’s birthday by having his new monument stone delivered. It turned out perfectly and I am very happy to have something at “daddy’s place” for the children to look for and recognize. Little E loves visiting and often gives his picture a kiss. She is such a sweet and tender girl.

We had a lot of work and fun in our yard this year. We had a beautiful garden that gave us more than we could use. Little E was just talking about how she wants to grow tomatoes again next summer. She was a great little helper in the garden, and Little M was pretty patient with me while I had him sit in the stroller as I weeded.

We were lucky enough to get a new sprinkler system installed this year! I am so happy to not have to pull hoses anymore while watching my lawn die a slow yellow death. Yay!

At the end of the summer we were able to attend the K family reunion. It was such a blast! I loved getting to spend time with some of the family that I hadn’t really ever known before. The talent show was pretty amazing too. But my favorite part was jamming on the guitar with my nephew Dainon. I am definitely going to have to learn more songs so we can play together next time we see each other.

The highlight of the summer for me was doing my first ever Sprint Triathlon. I did the Rush with my sister in law Jen. It was a very difficult course, but I was able to finish without ever having to stop and walk. It was so amazing to work for something for months and be able to reach my goal. I think I may be hooked. Next year I think I will invest in a road bike though. That hill was a beast on a mountain bike!

Fall and winter have gone by very quickly. Three of my siblings moved closer to home and we have had a wonderful time getting to play with all of them. We had a great Halloween where we dressed up as a family. Little E was a kitty, Little M was a doggy, and I was an animal control officer. I thought it was fitting. :)
Thanksgiving was spent at my brothers new home. It was a lot of fun to go somewhere new this year. Christmas this year looks like it will be filled to the very brim with family fun! I can’t wait to see Little E and Little M’s faces on Christmas morning. It is so great to have kids during the holidays. They make it so magical.

Updates on The Kids.

Little E has had many growing experiences this year. On valentines day I asked her what she wanted to do and she asked to go to a farm and milk a cow. So that’s what we did. It was her first experience with live cows and chickens and she had a great time. She still talks about going to the farm to see the animals. She also had her first ever hair cut this March and still tells people that she just got a hair cut. Its pretty funny how certain things excite her and stay with her.

In April she had a run in with a corner and enjoyed her first ER visit where they glued her forehead back together. She was a champ and stayed very still for the doctor.

In May she turned 3 years old and we had a big birthday party that was Dinosaur Train themed. Her Great Grandma Phyllis had just passed away, and we had all of our family home for the funeral which made for a fun cousin filled party. We got to ride on a mini train and everyone loved it, especially Little E!

She has really matured this year. She is fully potty trained, learned how to ride a running bike, and started preschool. She loves going to school and often writes letters for me. She knows a lot of them and even knows how to sign them. She is working on writing her own name right now. Her favorite toys right now are eggs, even the rocks she finds outside become a part of her vast egg collection. She has become my little helper and I don’t know what I would do without her.

Little M has changed so much this year! He went from not even being able to sit up on his own to running around the living room. He got to have his first ER visit this year too when he swallowed a bead decoration from my cell phone. We just x-rayed him to make sure everything was fine while he flirted with the nurses.

He has learned several signs including doggy, milk, all done, more, drink, eat, book, and fishy. He is very good at communicating what he needs and is a self entertainer. One of his favorite pastimes is sitting in his sisters closet and looking through all of her books. He also loves to stand at the top of the stairs and shake the gate like king kong. He has grown so big during this year that he can see over the top of the table and has just learned how to open my closet doors. As my mom often says “In’t he HUGE!”  He had a really fun experience this summer where he got to sit in a Ferrari, and he is definitely all boy. He was grinning from ear to ear and grabbing onto the steering wheel or any other part of the car he could reach.

He turned a year in September and we had a ball themed party for him. He thought the cake was awesome and had a great time playing with his cousins and all of the fun toys they got him. He absolutely loves his family. He enjoys pestering his younger cousin and can’t get enough of Papa (my Dad). He will throw a fit if Papa walks in the room and doesn’t pay enough attention to him. My dad has affectionately nicknamed him “Toad” and he loves it. He also adores his sister who can keep him happy and entertained when everything I try has failed. They are such wonderful companions to each other and I am so grateful for both of them.

We hope that you are all having an amazing Holiday Season and look forward to another great year with all of you in our lives.

Merry Christmas!
Jenny, Little E, and Little M

Little M walking, And he's off!

November 1st Little M learned how to walk for more than just 2 to 4 steps at a time! He just decided it was going to be fun to walk all the way across our living room and did it. He spent all evening walking back and forth from one couch to the other. Since then walking has been something that he constantly practices and before long I am pretty sure I won't be able to keep up with him. What a fun stage this has been, especially with big sister cheering him on. She is constantly updating me on his progress. "Mom! He's walking! Now he's not. Now he's walking again!" She can't wait for him to be able to play duck duck goose and tag with her. They sure do love each other.

Holding our son

Dear Michael,

Today I was holding our son while feeding him his bottle before nap time and thinking to myself about how much he has grown and all the ways he has changed in the past month. I have been really struggling with how large he has gotten because it has physically started hurting me to carry him and take care of his needs. I try to do things in a smart way (use a baby carrier when I can, feed him his bottle in a different position every night so I don't throw out my back etc). I can remember this phase with Little E and having to get a wrist brace because my arm couldn't take the strain of helping her walk. This makes me sound really weak, but frankly, your kids are huge! lol I wonder where they got that from?

Anyways, I was feeling kind of sad because he is weaning himself right now and I am down to nursing him 1 time a day. I just don't want to let go of this time with him. I have no guarantee that I will ever get to do this again. I know people always say "You are young, you will get remarried and have more children." But I have learned that there are no real promises of what our future holds save one. Death. That sounds morbid but it also means we will someday see all our loved ones again and be reunited with our savior. Doesn't sound that bad to me actually. Anyways, I was feeling bad for myself and then I had a thought. You never got to hold him. Not even once. How much would you have given to hold our baby boy in your arms? How much would you give to help catch him as he learns to toddle across our living room floor? I need to stop focusing on what I don't have promised to me in the future and instead enjoy the wonders of what I get to experience today, right now! My life is so beautiful and I need to take it all in for you as well as for me.  I need to have a grateful heart so that it will be more open for the wonders that our Heavenly Father has in store for my future. I am working on it honey, and I gave him an extra special hug today and held him a little tighter just for you.

Love,
Jenny

Temple Visitors Center FHE

Dear Michael,
For Family Home Evening tonight we went and looked at the amazing sculpture display at the Temple visitors center. The first thing Little E said as we walked in was "Look mommy! Its Jesus!" And then with her little hands over her mouth in awe she kept saying "I've never seen that before." She loved it when the missionary made "Jesus talk" by playing the recording of special scriptures inviting us to come unto Christ. On our way home she told me that Jesus wants her to be good and nice. She even gave him a kiss goodbye. Love that girl. What a sweet and special night. I have really been struggling to do FHE lately because it seems like they are so young that nothing comes of it. Tonight definitely proved me wrong! Not only did she seem to love the experience, it almost brought tears to my eyes to see her so happy to be near this beautiful statue of our savior. I felt better than I have in a long time after tonight and am going to have to make a special effort to keep doing FHE for our little family. More for me than anything else.
Love,
Jenny

First Time Reading the Bedtime Story.

Dear Michael,

Do you remember our Big and Little book that we got at story time? Little E decided that tonight she was going to read a bedtime story to me. She read the whole thing and was so proud of herself at the end. I know it wasn't really reading, she just new the words by heart and could tell what to say by the pictures, but it was really fun to see her enjoying a book all on her own. I think she is going to be an avid reader someday just like her Mom and Dad.

Just in case I lose the book someday, I thought I would record it here so she would know what her first ever bedtime story was.

By Samantha Berger and Pamela Chanko
Big dog and little dog.
Big elephant and little elephant.
Big bear and little bear.
Big hand and little hand.
Big bike and little bike.
Big chair and little chair.
Big leaf and little leaf.
Big boat and little boat.
Big house and little house.
Big tree and little tree.
Big sandcastle and little sandcastle.
Both the same size! (with a picture of twin brothers)

She was really cute when she started out because she said the words for the last page then shook her head and said, "Sorry sorry sorry, that was the wrong words! That was silly!" It was pretty funny.

Love,
Jenny

Daddy Sleep Talks

Dear Michael,

Right around our anniversary I was laying with Little E in our bed and we were playing some of our usual games. Then Little E looked at me and said "You are on your side of the bed and I am on Daddy's side of the bed." I told her that was right and asked if she remembered you sleeping there. She said, "Yes, Daddy sleep talks." I asked her what you said and she replied "If you kiss me I'll wake up!" It made me so happy to know that she still has true memories of you. I know that the likelihood of her really remembering you into adulthood is very small, but for now she still remembers. She was talking about our game we played where we would pretend to be asleep and she would "kiss us awake" like sleeping beauty. She loved sneaking into our room with me to wake you up first thing in the morning and you always feigned such intense surprise with a great big smile on your face and said "You woke me up!" or "Good morning!" or something else and then you would grab her and kiss her sweet little face. Sometimes you had to remind her to kiss you and you would do it with your eyes still closed while you pretended to be asleep. That was exactly what she was remembering. It is moments like this that remind me how lucky we are to have such sweet and wonderful memories of you. You were and are one of the most amazing men I have ever known. The way you adored our daughter still touches my heart in a way I cannot express deeply enough. We still love you Daddy. I only wish we could kiss you awake one more time...

I want to include here one of the stories you were so fond of telling about our little girl. It was one you loved to pull out during a party or something to get a few good laughs. You were jumping on the trampoline with Little E and then you decided to lie down in the middle of the tramp and our little 14-16 month old crawled over to you and tried to wake you up even though you weren't even pretending to be asleep. She had a cold at the time and you ended up with an extremely wet and juicy kiss. The way you laughed during this story still brings a great big smile to my face.

Love,
Jenny



I love this video. This is about the right age for the story I shared above. She is 16 months in the video and loving the attention Daddy lavished on her that night. This was a very common nightly routine at our house. They loved egging each other on. :)
It amazes me how much of Little E I see in Little M now. A lot of the movements and noises in this movie look just like him!

6th Wedding Anniversary.

Dear Michael,

Wow, I can't beleive that it has been an entire year since I wrote this post. I was so emotional that day that I couldn't even write what I had done for our anniversary. I decided I would just record it later and I never did. This year went so much better! I can't beleive the difference that a year can make. Today in church someone talked about how when you climb a mountain you should look back at where you have already been and realize how far you have come instead of focusing on how much you have left to climb. I feel that this is something I really need to work on. I have been struggling lately on feeling overwhelmed by how little I know about my future and how much time I have left before I get to see you again. It would help me a lot if I could just focus on how much better our little family is doing and how much we have grown in the last year.

For our 5th anniversary I went to the temple and spent a good portion of the trip in tears. At one point I had a full breakdown and a sweet temple worker talked to me and helped to calm me down. It didn't help that I was only a few weeks out from having a new baby. I remember realizing that our anniversary would be that close to when Little M was due and telling you what a bad anniversary it would be, I had no idea then how bad it could really be. After going to the temple my sister took me to get a pedicure and when the girl asked some questions I just pretended that you were still alive and wished that I could make myself beleive it too. Afterward I was able to go visit you by myself which was a very rare thing back then. So while it was probably a very healing day in some ways, it was also one of the very hardest days of that entire first year.

This year was very similar in what I did, but the emotions were so different! I went to the temple with Little E and Little M and my Mom and Dad helped us to take some wonderful family pictures. Little E absolutely loves her new "princess dress" and begs to wear it whenever she sees it in the closet. They weren't all that cooperative, but we ended up with some beautiful pictures. Little E loved to twirl in front of the temple and got to see a bride in her wedding dress and was even able to smell her flowers. She had asked me on the way down if she could do that and was so happy when it actually happened. :) She loves the idea of getting married in the temple someday.

My Mom took the kids home and then Dad and I were able to do some temple work, we even got to do some work for my dads great aunt Ethel. It was really nice to have him there and this time I only felt peace while I was inside the temple. I didn't cry at all.

After the temple the kids and I went and picked out a yellow silk flower for you and took it out to Daddy's place. Little E helped me pull some clover that was growing around your marker and told you all about preschool while Little M crawled around saying "dadadadada". I thought that was interesting because he really doesn't say that sound very much. Most of the time he just talks gibberish or says one of his real words (mama, dog, this, hi). He even took a couple of steps towards your stone without any help.

That night my sisters and I had a pizza and movie party. We watched Xmen 1st class. It was a lot of fun to hang out with them and laugh at the movie together. My dad even started watching it after a while. I am still not sure if he liked it, but it was funny to have him join in the girl fun. When I say girl fun, I mean it too. We had popcorn, chocolate, dr. Pepper, and fingernail polish. What more could we need?

After that I stumbled into bed a little after midnight and was happy with the way the day had gone. Laughter and service  goes much better together than tears and service. I am grateful for how far I have come up this mountain that I get to climb and I am still so grateful for the choice I made 6 years ago in marrying you. No matter what hardships I may have to face and the pain this last year brought without you by my side, I will forever be grateful for the chance I have to be your wife.

Love,
Jenny

They both loved these roses. Little M spent a  lot of time pointing at them and saying "is! is!" which is his version of "this". He thought they were so neat!

Twirling in her princess dress.

She loves to curtsy and say "Your Majesty!" like on Alice in wonderland.

Peek a Boo!

He did not want to stay on my lap! :)

 These next three shots crack me up! Little M was making my mom work really hard to carry him back to the car. So she just threw him over her shoulder and he kept sitting up, laughing at her, and throwing himself back over her shoulder. :) I love that we got a picture of this because he loves her so much and it totally shoes in these pictures. Whenever she comes over he throws himself into her arms.

Little M's First Steps!

Dear Michael,
Little M took his first steps tonight! We went to visit our neighbors for a few minutes and when we came home Little E wanted to check the mailbox to see if we had mail. I took Little M inside and Trek was freaking out because Little E was still out by the mailbox. I got his jacket off and put him down and he took 4 steps across the living room floor towards Trek and fell on his face. He started giggling and crawled at top speed to get to the dog. I have to laugh at his timing because Little E took her first steps the day before my little sister got married at their wedding dinner. Tomorrow is our 6 year anniversary. I don't know why our kids like the day before instead of the day of a wedding/anniversary, but at least it makes things easier for me to remember! :)

I am sure you are so excited for every step this little man is taking and were probably cheering him on with me. He is such a blast and I can't help but laugh at all of his crazy antics and the way that he loves to shake his head all the time. He even does it when he crawls across the floor. I don't even know how he can tell where he is going sometimes. lol

We took his one year shots last week and as soon as I get them back I will have to post them for Grandma and Grandpa to see.

Love,
Jenny

More!

Dear Michael,

Yesterday I needed to go shopping but decided to go with the kids after nap time instead of dragging two tired grumpy kids through the store to get enough food for lunch and then going back for the bigger shopping trip later. So I just zipped through the Wendy's drive through and got some food on our way home from my Mom's. Little M loved the chili and especially loved his first ever saltine cracker. I gave it to him and after his first bite he started giggling and kept giggling with each bite after. Guess he loves them just as much as you did. :)

Yummy Saltine Cracker!!

During our bedtime snack last night he discovered the power of signing the word more. Little E figured this out at her 1st birthday for ice cream. We have a video on your old phone of it. He figured it out for his oatmeal and fruit and does it by clapping his hands. I could see the wheels in his little head turning as he figured it out. His thoughts went something like this. "You mean when I do this Mommy gives me more food? That is awesome!!! I am doing this after every bite! I LOVE food!!" He cracks me up.

Little E's First Day of School Pictures. :)

Dear Michael,

It was always a big tradition at my house growing up to take first day of school pictures with our new backpacks, outfits, and lunchboxes. I couldn't help but continue the tradition on even though Little E was pretty annoyed with me by the end of it. She looked pretty darn cute if I do say so myself and I love all the personality that shines through in these pictures. :) I am sure you are just as proud a parent as me right now.

Our proud little student. It always amazes me how big she is getting when I look at pictures! Wow she is tall!

Her backpack with the cute ribbons that Nana provided. I sewed the little white flower on but Nana made it, her grandma used to make those kinds of flowers. (Elsie I think). We wanted to be able to tell her backpack apart from the other kids. Sure enough another boy in her class has the same exact one. Guess that's what happens when you buy it at the only store in town selling them. lol

The flowers she is standing next to are her own little garden. We planted zinnias together and she has loved watching each one boom, counting them, smelling them, and picking them for friends and family. She especially loves when our humming bird friend comes to visit them and always tries to catch him.

Sitting on the front stairs watching the men across the street replacing our neighbors roof. She was fascinated!

"Smile for me honey" Cheesy grin results.

"No honey look at me." Dead pan expresses but definitely making eye contact.

"Say school!" "School!!!"

Not so sure about this whole thing. But she was excited that she held onto the yellow loop when she got back to me at the end of the day.

When she was walking back down the hall she saw me and yelled "Mommy!" two or three times. I was happy to know she had missed me too. The second thing she said was "Where is silky?" And happily grabbed it from my hand and sat down on the bench to reunite with her best friend. I wouldn't let silky join her during school but absence makes the heart grow fonder. :)

Today she showed me another thing she was so excited to have learned. "Look mom! Chris cross applesauce!" she said in her room while showing how she could sit with her legs crossed Indian style. Its how they sit during circle time and she was so excited to have learned something new. I can already tell that school will bring so many new and exciting adventures for her. She can't wait to go back to her class and talk to her teachers tomorrow.

Love,
Jenny

Little E's First Day of Pre School!

Dear Michael,
I promise I have not forgotten about you! I just haven't even loaded pictures onto the computer since my last post because things have been so crazy busy! I have a lot of fun things to catch up on including the family reunion for your mom's side of the family, my first ever triathlon, and all of the home improvement projects I have done over the last month and a half. (How the heck did we already get to the 13th of September?!!)
But I wanted to take a moment to record a momentous first! Little E had her very first day of preschool today! She was such a champ and didn't even drag silky along for the ride. It had to stay in the car. :) We only go 2 days a week but I honestly didn't know how to handle the 2.5 hours while she was gone and Little M was sleeping. It was unnerving to me to know that I didn't have to feel like I was shirking my motherly duty by not taking care of her for that time. There are so many wonderful family and friends who are willing to take care of her while I do things, but I always feel a little neglectful in taking advantage of their offers. But school is something that can help her grow! I even saw it just in the first day. We got to the school and she had to hold onto a little rope (I held onto the yellow loop mommy!) and walk quietly down the hall to her classroom. She was very nervous walking away but the teacher tells me that once she got into the class she adjusted very well and played with all her new friends. Her favorite part of the day was painting her hand blue so that she could make a hand print on paper. At bedtime she told me all about how she painted her hand blue and then had to "wash and wash and wash and wash to get the blue off. But then there was some on my arm! The teacher said I would still have some on to show you when you picked me up." Then we spent time looking together for evidence of the blue paint and she laughed and laughed when we found some under her nails.

I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to watch all of her interactions with the teachers and kids. I am sure you were there laughing and enjoying all of her first day antics and I am honestly a little jealous that you got to see what I couldn't! Especially because getting her to tell me all about her day can be a little confusing.  I do know that she played in the wood chips on the play ground (the pointy things) and that while she was building something with them she got hit by a swing. I think she has my inability to watch out for what is going on around her when she gets interested in something. lol Poor kid has a lot more bruises coming her way!

After I picked her up from school we went to Arctic Circle to get a special "first ever first day of school" treat. She had chocolate ice cream, her favorite. She had fun telling Nana about her day at school while we sat in the booth and enjoyed our treats. :)

Little M devoured a hamburger after acting like I was trying to poison him by giving him his first bite. He had to choose to put it in his mouth all on his own but once he knew what it was, I couldn't give it to him fast enough. Ha! He is such a little man!

I will post more pictures tomorrow, but I just can't face the HUGE download I have ahead of me before I can add them.

Happy first day of School Little E! I am so proud of the sweet, beautiful, spirited, and smart little girl you are turning into!

Love,
Jenny

The One Year Mark

Dear Michael,

I can't believe a year ago today I wrote this post. What a difference a year can make. I think back to when I wrote that at 1:30 in the morning. I was in complete shock. Right after I wrote it I went downstairs to my old bedroom and passed through the most violent grief I have ever experienced in my life. I honestly wasn't sure the baby and I would survive it. It was terrifying. I thought about that night as I laid down in bed and quietly went to sleep by myself last night. This has become my life, and I have come to love it. 

A year later and I am now happy again. My body is in some of the best shape of its adult life, my mind is active and brings me thoughts of joy and gratitude, my testimony has recovered and grown, and I am filled with hope for the future. What a huge distance our little family has come in the last year. I hope you are proud of the progress we have made and the strength we are gaining from this experience.


A lot of people were very worried about me today, but this was actually a lot easier than last week. I was really struggling then because I dreaded yesterday, and I had learned our old dating grounds of Collage Ave were being torn down in a month. That was a huge blow to me. I went up and recorded all I could of it and cried to know it wouldn't be there for our children to see in person. But then I had three small miracles happen at the end of the week that were each little I love you's that I could tell you were sending my way. I wrote about them all in my journal, but feel they are too special and private to be shared on this blog. Thank you for each of them. I can't tell you how they strengthened me.

I thought long and hard about what to do today to remember you and make it easier on the family. A few days ago I felt inspired and made a plan. I hope you enjoyed the results. I don't have time this morning to write in to much detail, but here is how the day went. I woke up and did my workout (biked 6.5 miles, ran 15 min, walked 15 min.) at my Mom's. After that my nephew came over to help me make preparations for our afternoon plans. Then Lori and I went to the temple for a sealing session. Afterwords we came home and got the kids ready for the real fun out at the cemetery.  I hope no one will find the activity we did offensive, but it was just so perfectly you. I am sure you loved watching and joined in the laughter. :)

First we brought an entire cooler full of water balloons and let the younger kids hit them with the bat. The best part was when we let my "mature" father take a turn with pitching. He was so naughty! He kept throwing them at the adults and right at some of the kids instead of their bats. He had such a maniacal glint in his eye as he did it too. lol It was great!

Next we pulled out the big kid fun. All of my neighbors gave me their milk cartons and I filled them with water and brought out your machete, katana, and cukury (I have no idea how to spell that one). We all had a ball slicing them open in midair or setting them on top of your stone and disemboweling them Michael style. Our good friends Brodi and Dana were able to come and Brodi helped make it perfect. I couldn't help but laugh at his well practiced techniques and think back to how often we did this while living next door to each other. I know you must have been grinning from ear to ear just as we were. It couldn't have gone better and I was so glad that I found a way to make the day so much fun for all of us, but so entirely fitting. After all, this was one of your favorite pastimes.

I will post videos later but I just don't have time right now. We have been running crazy for weeks now!


We love you Michael. I am so grateful to have made it through the first year and to have had so much support from both sides of the veil. I like to think about this year as being one year closer to seeing you again. We miss you and love you so very dearly.

Love,
Jenny

Baby proof...

Dear Michael,

I really hope you are on duty for this little boy because I don't know how I am going to keep him from killing himself. Last Tuesday he choked down the bead decoration on my cell phone and we spent the afternoon in the ER getting an ex-ray to make sure it wasn't going to cause problems. It wasn't just a single bead either, it was 3 or 4 beads on a loop of wire about an inch long. This happened after I tried my hardest to get everything baby proofed on the main floor. I took away all small toys and everything I could find that might cause a problem. Then I let him play with my phone... stupid I know. After looking at the ex-ray the doctors said "this too shall pass" and  to go get another ex-ray if it didn't show up before the new week started. Anyways, he is still getting himself into trouble. Yesterday he came crawling into the kitchen where my Mom was doing dishes and had something in his mouth. It was a piece of your guitar stand that he had dissembled and I get the feeling that you sent him in there saying "the guitar stand is off limits dude. Take it to Grandma." lol Then not 5 minutes later we took him from the jumper into my room and he somehow got a sticker in his mouth with both my Mom and I watching. We fished that out too and he was mad at us for taking his toys away. Seriously, he will find something hazardous to put in his mouth no matter what!
We went back to the doctors and got another ex-ray today. It looks like another 2 days or so before it will "pass". They let me have a thumbnail copy of the ex-ray so here it is in all its splendor. The white thing on the bottom left is what he swallowed. Crazy kid. I have said for a while that the only proof you need that God exists is to see any Man that made it through his childhood and teenage years alive. I am hoping you can help Little M to make it through his.
Love,
Jenny

Update: It came out the very next bowel movement. I totally knew that would happen if I took him back into the doctor like I was supposed to. lol At least I don't have to sift through his diapers anymore! Now to keep this event from repeating itself...

Missing You...

Dear Michael,

We have really been missing you a lot the past few days around here. I know part of the reason for me is knowing that the year mark is coming up and that makes things very hard for me, but Little E seems to be feeling it too. I don't know what is causing it for her. Maybe its the fact that everything is so similar to last year, but you aren't here. She jumps on the trampoline, we weed, the raspberries are coming on, but you aren't here to enjoy it all with her. For the last few days she has burst into tears at random moments and cried out, "I really miss Daddy!" I ask her what she misses and she says "for him to play with me and jump on the trampoline..." I have been wondering if she really is missing you or just feeling my stress and trying to play off of it to get away with her fits. She did a lot of that last summer and I have to really watch my reactions so that I show enough sympathy if its real without encouraging fake tears. Well, last night I woke up after having a dream about you and just wishing it had been real. I had a really hard time falling back asleep, and then Little E woke up screaming in the other room this morning. I went in and got her calmed down and asked her what was wrong. She said "I didn't want you to twist my balloons!" I asked her what balloons and she said "The ones at Daddy's place. I didn't get to go with them. I threw them up up high in the air, and they flew away. But Daddy still has them. But I didn't get to go with them." She was remembering when we went for your birthday and sent off balloons. I never thought it would upset her that she didn't get to fly away with them to see you, but that makes sense. I wish there were a way to let her fly away for a little while just to visit you. She misses you so very much. I am a little worried because I had planned on doing the balloon thing on your "Heaven Day" but maybe that wouldn't be a good idea... I will have to think about it and feel it out. I want to do something that she can be involved in, but I don't want to upset her. I wish you were here to give me some good ideas.

Like I said, we are really missing you...
Love,
Jenny

My not so little man.

Dear Michael,

I can't believe how fast time is going by. I went to the last swing night of the semester last night and was blown away that another semester had come and gone already. It just doesn't seem possible!

On top of that I can't believe how much our son has grown and developed. Just in the last week there has been an explosion of new skills from this little guy. He started trying to say Mama and his sisters name on Tuesday night. Then yesterday he got another new tooth (he now has 4 and is working on more.) It was the tooth just to the right of his bottom teeth. I don't know what its called. :) But he has it! He has been really picking up speed in his mobility and although he doesn't crawl with his tummy off the ground he is doing the cross body movement of crawling and its only a matter of time until he learns the real thing. Yesterday he also learned a new skill, drinking from a sippy cup! I had tried to teach him how to do that a while back but we did it with a nuby that has a silicon nipple and is all fancy. He didn't want anything to do with that. He just kept crawling after his sisters so I finally got one like hers of his own to try and he thought apple juice was pretty neat!

Today I caught him doing something that I couldn't believe. He can transition from being on his side to sitting up. I had caught him sitting in the crib but thought he was pulling himself up on the side rails. Nope, he is doing it all on his own baby! Its crazy how many things a kid can learn in just one week.

Yesterday I caught him during nap time messing with his mobile. He was nearly standing trying to get to it and I realized it was time to move the mattress down again. lol He seems to really like being able to switch from laying to sitting and pulling himself up to kneeling. :) What a big boy!

We love you and hope you are getting to be here for all of these amazing firsts.
love,
Jenny

New perspective.

Dear Michael,
I had a thought about a week ago that I feel is pretty important for me to record. I was folding laundry in the living room and was looking at all of the shirts and smiling at the memoires they brought up. I have been working out almost daily and my workout shirts are ones like our Midnight 5K shirt and the one from Aspen Grove family camp. I was thinking of all of those wonderful times we had shared together and how much I wanted to do any of them just one more time with you. Then a thought hit me, I wouldn't have anyways. Let me try to explain this right. We always only get to do things one time. It does make me sad that I don't get to do new things with you in the future, but I am coming to realize that our family would never have gone back and done the same things again. We may have gone to the same place, but it would have been a completely different and new experience, and I get many of those new experiences now. Just slightly different then I pictured them. 

I have been building on this line of thought for a week now. It has also helped me to realize that my initial desire to horde every possible memory of you is not only impractical, but unnecessary. I still want to go back and record all I can for our children someday, but now that a year has almost come and gone I have realized that the same memories can be just as sweet even when looked at over and over again. New stories and thoughts are nice, but I keep coming back to the same moments and wrapping myself up in them like a well worn blanket. Nothing could be more comfortable.

I am also starting to understand something that our family friend, the man in charge of your funeral said to me. He told me that I would struggle with missing your physical presence but in time I would come to feel you in another way. He told me this right before we closed your casket and I just nodded and tried not to cry, but I didn't know how that could work. I am beginning to get a glimpse of what he meant. Today on my 12 mile bike ride I got to just listen to some of our favorite music and look at the beautiful blue sky and think. Many of the songs made me think of you, and wish you were there with me, but it was more than that. I began to grin from ear to ear as I rode downhill with the familiar songs guiding me along. I felt peaceful, happy, and like I wasn't missing anything. Like you were well aware of what I have been up to and even keeping me company. I know that feeling won't last, but I think that it has helped me to see what is coming a bit more clearly. Everyday life is becoming a joy along with being difficult. The future looks bright just like the beautiful blue sky today. I know that I will always miss you, and will often wonder how things will be made right, but for now I am just going to enjoy the ride and my new understanding of what is truly important and what will really bring me joy.

Peekaboo! A new tooth is coming through. :)

Little M's top right tooth made its way through today during his nap. I have been watching it closely (and a little apprehensively) for a week now and feeling for it often. Well, it has finally made its debut. Welcome to the world little tooth. Please be nice to me. :)

First Word and First Time Standing

Dear Michael,
Your little boy is getting so big! I can't beleive all the firsts he has done lately. Last week he was in his crib and my Mom was getting some clothes out of the closet for him. Little E came in the room and he looked at her and said "Hi" with a great big grin on his face. He has said it to Papa and I over the last week too. It makes sense that this would be his first word because we say it to him all the time. It always gets a big grin out of him.
Tonight while I was bathing him he reached over and grabbed onto the side of the tub. He pulled and pulled until he was standing up all by himself with his ankles crossed and his feet almost slipping out from under him because he was standing on a washcloth. I couldn't beleive he would pick the most dangerous place he could to test out the whole standing thing. It was a good thing I was right there to keep him from falling. I will have to train him to always sit in the tub like we did with Little E. I should have known he was going to start standing soon. Two weeks ago at church he pulled himself up to his knees on a folding chair in the nursing lounge. He also really enjoys when I put him next to the furniture and let him try to hold on and balance. He giggles and laughs the whole time. I am sure cruising along furniture is going to become one of his favorite pastimes soon. Ahhh! How did he get so big so fast? Must be your genes. I am sure you are so proud of him. :)
Love,
Jenny

A great day and some conversations with Little E.

 Dear Michael,

I have some blogging to do to catch up on the last few weeks, but I just can't make myself do it. I have been training hard for the triathlon the last 2 weeks and I am just plain tuckered. I can't make myself upload the pics from the camera so Father's Day and my birthday week will just have to wait until tomorrow or the next day. But I did want to post a couple of interesting things Little E has said to me lately before I forgot them and to tell you about my amazing day so I can look back on a bad day and remember that some days are great!

First, on our way out of the cemetery after visiting you on father's day Little E said something that kind of surprised me. We had a conversation a few nights before where she was pretending to be scared of a monster, and I told her that you had blessed the house so no monsters could come in it. Then we had another conversation where I told her about how you keep her safe and sound even though she can't see you. As we were leaving the cemetery she looked at me and said, "I love my daddy, mommy. He keeps me safe from bad spirits." I was surprised because I can't remember ever using the term "Bad spirits" with her. I have definitely used the word spirits a lot, but that is different. It was very interesting and I am curious where she came up with that idea, and what truth there may be to that simple statement. I know you watch over us, and maybe she is more aware of what you are doing that I am? Who knows. I will say that I don't feel too scared at night most of the time, which still surprises me. I just feel like nothing bad is going to happen and we are safe. I hope part of that feeling is coming from your being there to watch over us.

The other thing she said to me today as she was waking up from her nap. I was pretty excited because she had woken herself up because she needed to use the restroom (instead of wetting the bed! We are definitely making progress here!) But she wasn't really happy about waking up so we just snuggled in my bed. She was quiet and smelled her silky for a while with her eyes closed. I thought she might fall back asleep, but instead she opened her eyes, looked at me and asked, "Mommy, is Daddy alive again now?" It broke my heart to tell her no. I keep trying to help her understand that the resurrection probably won't happen until we have all died. In fact that was another funny thing she said on the way out of the cemetery Sunday. I told her we would probably all die before you lived again, and she said, "Mommy I don't want to die. You can die, Little M can die, and Nana can die. But I am not going to!" I told her that I was just fine with that and had to laugh at how determined she was. I have to admit though, when she asked me if you were alive again now, I had a moment where I hoped she knew something I didn't. Wouldn't that have been a treat to wake up to? But instead I just got to snuggle her and enjoy the golden curls on her head and her beautiful blue eyes peaking over her silky. She really is a treat.

Well, on to recording my great day! We woke up and  I called my friend Tasha to see if she would take the kids for a half an hour while I got in my 6 mile bike ride for my triathlon training. My friend Nathan is now training with me and we are both getting pretty excited about the race. She was sweet enough to take them and we got out about 9am. When I got back I picked the kids up and enjoyed a few minutes of watching Little E play with her friends before we came home. Then I called up my other friends Damen and Aleece to see if they were still up for babysitting while I went to the temple. I haven't been since I went with my nephew Alan in January on the six month anniversary of your death. They came right over and I was able to go and do baptism, confirmation, and initiatory for Ethel my paternal great grandfathers younger sister. She was born in April of 1886. 100 years before I was born. How cool is that? It was a really amazing experience to go through for someone that I had was related to. I can see how getting into family history work could be very rewarding! I am really glad I stuck it out and went because I had driven all the way to the temple without realizing I didn't have my recommend on hand and had to go the extra 40 minutes home and back again. But it felt so wonderful to go and do the work for Ethel and I really hope to go back for her endowment soon.

I was amazed at how good I felt walking out of the temple. I felt so light and carefree. I really think it would make a big difference in my life if I could go more often. I am going to try to make it up at least every other week if possible. That was our goal after we first got married and I think it is a good goal to aim for.

After going to the temple I had to dash home to  pick up Little M and Little E for a doctors apt. Little M has been on antibiotics for yet another ear infection. He was on Azithromycene (how is that spelled?) and developed a rash that needed to be checked out. Then back home to nap time.

After we woke up and had our little conversation in bed I got us all ready to run back to town and took Britteny your cousin out to dinner at the pizza buffet to thank her for babysitting yesterday while I swam. Plus I really wanted to visit with her. Little E had a great time messing with the lights in the booth and stealing bites of my desert pizza. Little M just scarfed his food while flirting with Britteny and blowing razz-berries.

Then it was back home for bedtime because the little boy was very tired! I fed him a bedtime snack while Little E ate an apple in the backyard and chased Trek around. Then I gave them both baths and got the boy to sleep. Little E was being very good and calm so I offered to paint her toenails as a treat (I shouldn't have used that word though because when we were done she thought she was going to get candy too). I have really had a hard time making it to bedtime while still being "nice mommy" lately so it felt amazing to paint her cute nails, read her stories, and say good night to her without losing my temper! I felt like a superhero and was so happy to end the day with a smile on my face. I know it took the help of three of my friends/family to make it through the day, but it turned out to be an AMAZING day. I am so grateful for all the help I am given on a daily basis. I really don't know how I would make it through a week on my own. In fact I am pretty sure I couldn't. You know the saying "It takes a village to raise a child." I would definitely have to agree with it!

I know that was probably a really long and boring post, but I wanted to record for myself what a good day feels like because I am sure they aren't all going to end this well. In fact, most of them wont. I usually end up barely managing to get through stories and prayer with Little E before I go collapse on the couch with my last nerve hanging by a tiny thread, if its intact at all. But  I wouldn't trade my days with these kids for the world. They are my everything and I am so grateful to have them. Thank you so much for blessing me with them honey.
Love,
Jenny

Little E's Sheep Story

Dear Michael,
I haven't had much energy lately to get on here and write. I have been busy this week getting started on my triathlong training. I am doing one on August 20th. Its just a sprint triathlon, but I am really excited about it. Its the one we had planned on doing together this year, but instead I am kind of dedicating it to you and using it to remind myself how strong I can become.

Anyways, there was one really cute story that  I wanted to tell you because it literally had me laughing out loud for several minutes afterward. On Sunday morning last week I gave Little E a green new testament that I had been given while walking around campus. I thought she would like it because of the color and she was very excited to have her own green scriptures. I asked her to read me a story from it and she said ok. She was standing next to the kitchen table and very seriously opened up the book and proceeded to read me this story.

"The Lords sheep say, BAAAAA!" It was so funny because up until the baa she was utterly reverent in her reading and then gave a very legitimate imitation of what sheep sound like. After that she continued with the story saying that Jesus saved the sheep from robbers. She was kind of confused on who did the saving in the story of Ammon and the kings sheep. She really loves reading her scriptures at night. Right now we are reading a flap book of Joseph and she has all of the words under the flaps memorized. She gets mad at me if I say them because she wants to read that part of the book to me. We read it at every bedtime and nap time. She also likes learning a letter before we start and looking for it on the page. Her favorite in that book is the letter r. She has gotten really good at recognizing it. You would be proud. You were so excited when she learned all of her shapes in that ipod game you had downloaded for her. You always enjoyed watching her grow and learn and celebrated every step like it was the first time any child had ever accomplished that task! I love you for that. You were such an amazing father!

I love you honey, I hope this story made you laugh too. I still break out into random giggle fits over it.
Love,
Jenny

Little M's Stats

Dear Michael,

I finally got around to taking Little M to the doctor for his 6 month check up (now that he is 8 months...) I just wanted to record his stats so that I could keep track of them without worrying about the paper getting lost.

May 23rd 8 months old
18.1 lbs 25% Weight
28.5 inches 78% Height
17 inches 10% Head
15.7 BMI

for a comparison here are Little E's 6 and 9 moth stats
Nov 20th 2008- 6 months- 15.8 lbs 47%- Height 27 in 91%- Head 16 in 8%- BMI 15.2
Feb 20th 2009- 9 months- 18 lbs 36%- Height 29.3 in 95%- Head 16.8 in 13%- BMI 14.8

I suspect that boys tend to be taller than girls because even though he is very similar in height to Little E he is in a much lower percentile. He is plenty big enough for me though. He is always always hungry and has really taken to eating solid foods in the past couple of weeks. He LOVES them! He gets so excited if I pull out a bowl and giggles every time I put a little cereal puff in his month for him to chew on. Today he even ate bananas cut up into small pieces.  He really can't seem to get enough and I am almost always the one who cuts him off because I worry he will get a tummy ache if he doesn't stop. lol

One really cute thing that  I wanted to record was a way that you and he are very similar. Remember how whenever you took a sleeping pill you would just start laughing hysterically before falling asleep. I would look at you like you were crazy and you wouldn't be able to help it. You would just laugh at nothing until you practically passed out. Little M is the same way. Sometimes I will have him in the wrap and be trying so hard to get him to sleep, right when I think he is finally ready he just starts laughing at nothing! Tonight I had him almost asleep before bed and was trying to keep him a little awake so I could put him down drowsy but not asleep, when I would jostle him he would start laughing and laughing. He really is so much like you. :) I am sure you are just so proud of you (not so) little boy!

Love,
Jenny

Memorial Day Weekend

Dear Michael,
We went out to visit you yesterday and to clean your monument. I know it has only been in a little while, but I also know that if I clean it frequently it will stay looking nice a lot longer. I want it to look nice and it was really bugging me to see bird poop on something I had worked so hard to make! :) Anyways, we went out there and Little E and Little M stayed in the car for the most part because it was so cold. Little E did get out of the car and for a minute and told you that she loved you and got mad at me when I was standing on your grave, "Get off my dad!!" it was kind of funny. She also told some passersby that you had died but that it was ok. She likes to tell random people about it, I think its one of her ways of working through it and understanding it more.

I had never been to a cemetery on memorial day before this. I never had any relatives in one near enough to visit. It was really a sight to see. There were so many people there celebrating their loved ones with flowers, flags, and anything else you could think of. I just missed your sister visiting you and today I ran into my brother who had come out to visit you and Grandma P. His son bought you a sword, how cool is that? I really wish I could have spent a little more time with you this weekend, but it was raining the whole time and when it wasn't actually raining it was windy and nasty. I am really looking forward to spending some quality time out there when we finally get some summer like weather.

I hope you have had a great memorial day weekend. I have never truly understood the sacrifice that people have made on my behalf until know. I am so grateful for those families that are willing to go through the pain of losing a father, husband, brother, or son so that my children and I can enjoy our freedom. Please thank those wonderful men for thier selfless sacrifice for me.

Love,
Jenny

My Little Sleep Talker

Dear Michael,
I haven't gotten the post finished about my trip up to Canada and to visit your parents, but I wanted to share a little gem from our trip. This is a video I took at your mom's house of Little M sleep talking. He does it a lot! He can sometimes go on for over and hour. This is the reason I can't understand how people can sleep in the same room as their babies, I had a hard time sleeping on the same level of the house! Seriously, we could hear it clear in your Mom's food storage room upstairs and on the opposite side of the house. I had to mess with the video a little to make it so you could see his face, so its really grainy, but I love it! I have been trying to get a good video of this for months. :)
Love,
Jenny

An email for the Nephews.

Dear Michael,

Today is yet another rainy day (no surprise, last memorial day weekend it snowed!) I would have gone to church but Little E has yet another eye infection (Little M had it last weekend) so we all stayed home and lounged around in our pj's all morning. It has actually been a pretty nice morning. We watched 2 episodes of Sesame street together while Little M munched on his jumper and I cleaned out my junk email account. I was putting things into my junk folder and saw a folder titled "From Husband". This was my email address that I had until we had Little E and I was pretty excited to read through some of our old emails to each other. I decided to share this one with your sisters because it just shows how much you loved all of your nieces and nephews. Plus I thought your nephews would like a reminder of how much fun you had together that week.

You truly loved all of your family, but your nieces and nephews held such a special place in your heart.

• Re: Hey there Friend‏

What's up witchy woman (meant in a you are so beguiling kind of good way),

           I was just thinking about writing you.  I just got home from Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy.  It was great   I really like how they did it.   I must admit that they did stray from the path a bit,  but good all the same.  I've had a great time up here.  my parents left for Seattle the day after I got here so I've had the house all to myself for a better part of the week.  I know it's sounds a bit lonely, but after the hustle and bustle of college life it has been really nice.  I got to go play golf in with my three year old nephew and play space pirate with the others using the bed of my truck as my Neptune (the name of our fearsome pirate ship)  then we slept in their tree house and watched jimmy neutron on my game boy until late at night. yep good times!  I got a little something for you while I was here.  I was out and thought of you so I got it.  I hope you like it. I hope you continue to have a great time!

                                                           , michael

Teaching the boys how to dual the right way!

Written 4/30/05. That was right after we had started dating. We weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet. But we had spent the better part of the last 2 weeks of the semester together and both really really liked each other.  Sadly, I can't remember what the gift was that you bought for me. Maybe you showed it off to your sister and she remembers? Hopefully it will come back to me in time. I can't tell you how often I wish I had kept more of a journal during our time together. I am trying very hard to keep a better record now, but it doesn't help with what is past.

Thank you so much honey for writing me that day. I remember being pretty giddy when I got your email. I think this may have been the email I got and called my mom into the office to ask her how the heck to pronounce your last name. We were both at a loss and  I was so embarrassed that I didn't already know it after being FHE brother and sister for a semester and dating for two weeks! Its funny how almost no one can pronounce it right the first time.

I love you honey, I hope you are having a wonderful sabbath day too.
Love,
Jenny

PS. I just found another one where you sent me pictures of what some of your nephews looked like. I can't beleive how little they were back then!

Little E's Birthday. 3 Years Old!!!

Dear Michael,

I can't beleive it, our little girl is 3 years old! How crazy is that? She is turning into such a fun little person. I feel badly because a lot of the time I just don't have enough energy/patience to make life as fun as it should be for her. You would have had such a blast playing with her in the back yard, or splashing in puddles outside during our insanely wet spring we have had. But we are doing our best and for the most part I think we are having a pretty great time. Her birthday was epic! Everyone had such a great time and it couldn't have been more perfect. :) We did a dinosaur train themed party and we were totally helped out by some really amazing neighbors. We actually got to ride a real train! I will tell you more about it in a second.  I think the best way to tell you about it is with picture! So I will just follow the day with these pictures and try not to miss anything.

 Little E woke up and was so excited because her cousins had come to stay the night with us. Grandma P passed away a week and a half before and we were having her funeral in the morning. While that may sound like a crummy way to start a birthday it actually ended up making this one of her best birthdays yet! All of her cousins from my side of the family got to be here for it. It was like a family reunion! Her aunt Lori bought her Dinosaur Egg oatmeal for breakfast and she had a great time watching the eggs "Catch" (hatch) while she ate them. It was so fun to watch her searching for the different colored dinosaurs in the bowl. After breakfast the adults went to the memorial service (which was beautiful!) and she got to play with the young cousins and a few family friends. They had a great time playing in the basement and she had so much fun getting to spend time with her cousin that moved to California. They have really missed each other and were so excited to be back together.

After the memorial service we zipped over and grabbed the kids to go out to "Daddy's place" and say goodbye to "Grandma Fishy" as Little E fondly called her. She had a great time running around and looking at all the headstones. Plus she got to keep one of the yellow roses and brought it home to put it in some water. I was really impressed with how well she handled the whole thing. She waved goodbye to grandma and at one point she even ran up to the casket and gave it a big kiss goodbye. It was so sweet. She really did love her great grandma. As grandma said, Little E always had a smile for her when we came to visit.

We had lunch at the church afterward and she got to eat with Uncle Kevin and had a big cup of ice cream! She was in heaven having Kevin focus on her. I think she may have a little bit of a crush! lol She can't get enough of him and often pretends to be Kevin and I am Laura while we play at home. Its pretty cute.

After lunch we went home for a late nap. I had to wake her up less than an hour later to make it to the party on time. (we were still a half hour late because I needed a memory card to take pictures and couldn't find it etc. I can never seem to make it to things on time anymore...) I actually got her half dressed in her party clothes before she even woke up! She was so exhausted from playing with everyone but once we got to the main birthday party she was too excited to feel her exhaustion anymore. Like I said earlier, her party was all about TRAINS! We got to go to one of my parents neighbors houses for an amazing ride on their "baby train". I actually remember driving past the tracks on the way to school as a kid and wishing so baddly to be able to ride on the train. But I never got the chance until now. Let me tell you, it was worth the wait! It was so much fun even the adults were all giddy!

Since Little E was the guest of honor she got to ride right behind the engineer, and that grin never left her face! After the first go around her cousin tried to move, but Little E grabbed her from behind and said "No, sit down R.! We are going again! You sit here!" it was really funny. She wanted her best friend right there by her side.

R's Dad was "The conductor." I found that dinosaur hat at the dollar store and it was perfect for our party. He kept calling from the back "Time tunnel, Time tunnel approaching." and then he would add some flair with "On your right is the T-Rex feeding ground. Keep your hands inside!" lol It was awesome.

The whole gang! I have to say, it is so wonderful that we have gotten family pictures so frequently lately. They are so important to me now. They warm my heart!

The last ride we went on Little E rode in the caboose. She was pretty darn excited! Seriously, this was probably one of the best days she has ever had! lol

There was a little tunnel in a building we went through and every time we would go in the driver would honk the horn which was really loud. Little E was a little nervous about this part and would always cover her ears when we got close to the to.

The tunnel is coming! Look out! She was so stinking cute. :)

On to the next great adventure!

She was so excited to get to sit in the drivers seat!

What an angel. I can't believe it has been three years since this precious girl came into my life!

The whole train next to the platform.

R playing in the caboose, she was the perfect model.

But there is more than a little monkey in her too!

Uncle Kevin pushing her on the swings after the ride.

Little E had watermelon in honor of her first birthday when she inhaled a huge piece of it like it was ambrosia!

Can you beleive how much she has grown! I couldn't beleive it when she ate that entire piece down to the rind! She loved every bite. :) Crazy how I thought she was such a big girl then.

Her birthday cake this year. I really have wanted to make a tradition where I made cool cakes for our kids birthdays, but it just couldn't happen this year with the funeral and all the family in town. So instead I found a toy that I knew she would like and told them exactly what I wanted. :) It was still a completely unique cake even if I didn't make it. I think it turned out really cute and she loved that it was her favorite color, Green!

Who doesn't love birthday cake?

Showing off her green frosting. She gives me this look all the time, its her "I am pretending to be shy but really I want ALL of your attention" look. She does it a lot when we are out in public and someone tried to flirt with her. lol

After the cake and candles we opened birthday presents. She got so many wonderful gifts this year and has had a great week enjoying all of her new goodies. This morning I caught her trying to wear the little doggy in a purse that Grandma and Grandpa M gave her as a backpack. She was getting ready to go on a trip. She also had the purse Caroline gave her over one arm and the inner tube  I gave her on like a tutu. She was all dressed up and ready to hit the town! Its funny to see how creative kids can be with things and how much joy they can get out of a birthday gift over the years. Thank you to everyone who came and made her birthday truly special!

It was really was an amazing birthday and I am pretty sure you were right there celebrating with us. I bet you even sang Happy Birthday right next to your little girl and helped her blow out the candle. Thank you for being such an great daddy to our wonderful little 3 year old! Happy Birthday Little E! You're Three! Yipee!!

Love,
Jenny