Dear Michael,
I can't beleive it has already been a whole month since you had to leave. Time has really flown by. It kind of scares me a little how fast it is going, but also excites me. I can't wait until I get to reach the end and finally see you again. That part cannot come soon enough.
I miss so many things about our daily lives. I miss sleeping next to you. You were always so patient with my need to snuggle you and made the best heater ever in the middle of a cold night. I miss pestering you before bed trying to get you to put down your book and pay attention to me. It was all in good fun, and I know you thought it was funny too... most of the time. I miss watching you and Little E play together. She adores you so much, and could never get enough daddy time. She is still amazing on the "trabopine" and I am sure she will make you proud someday with her amazing skills. We moved her to a toddler bed yesterday. She thought it was so much fun because she could get in and out of it by herself, which means she can climb in any time of day and JUMP in it! She was showing off to me for a half an hour today. She definitely takes after you. ;)
I miss our goodbye kiss every morning, I miss you spraying your Very Sexy cologne before you left which made me sick when I was pregnant but always made me smile. It will forever make me think of you and I often sneak a sniff when I walk by your dresser now. It makes me feel like you might be a little closer for a few minutes.
I still can't imagine going back to our house and having a day over there without you. Its part of what makes it so hard for me to get back in there. I can't imagine waking up without you, not sitting accross from you at breakfast, not giving you some honey do lists. lol I am so grateful that I got you home for the summers. It was wonderful to have you around so much of the time so that you could be involved in all the fun we were having. You made every day better just by being a part of it.
It just seems so unreal that I could possibly have to go on living my life in the same place, in basically the same way, but without you in it. It can't truly be possible can it? Surely you will come back soon and we will just go on living our perfect lives while scheming ways for adventures to fill our future. I really wish there were such a thing as a time machine. It just seems so wrong that a few short minutes could rob me of you for the rest of my life. I know that there is no way this happened unless it was supposed to, but I am selfish at heart. I just want you back. I don't really care if it was something important that took you away. You are the most important thing in my life. I can't imagine what could possibly have been more important than us being together... I am willing to accept that God knows what he is doing. But I miss you so terribly that sometimes I just don't want to admit it. Sometimes I just want this whole thing to be fixed. Can't I just wake up from this nightmare and have you there to tell me it was all a bad dream and not to worry? That is looking less and less likely as this nightmare goes on day after day...
I am sorry, this letter is a little bit of a downer, but sometimes I just want to be selfish. I don't want to say what is right, and I don't want to admit that this was all done according to some master plan. I just want to be free for a while. To be able to live in a world where pain like this doesn't exist for anyone. But that is the world you now get to live in, I guess I will just have to wait for my turn to join you there.
I love you so much. I will try to be stronger and to make you proud. Your baby boy is squirming so much right now. I wish you were here to see it. You would laugh and pester him like you did Little E to make him even more rambunctious. It was always your way of getting back at me since you had to be "nice" while I was pregnant. lol I sometimes wonder if you are egging him on even now.
Have a wonderful night love. I hope you come to see me again in my dreams soon. They aren't enough but they definitely help.
Sincerely,
your lonely wife.
This video was from the 14th of July. We were having a barbecue dinner and while he cooked the meat Michael entertained Little E on the trampoline. They always had a great time chasing each other around.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Lion King
Dear Michael,
Your insomniac wife is back... its amazing how hard it is to get back to sleep when you aren't there next to me. Do you remember how I used to stay up late when you went on trips, and you would tell me off. I just never could sleep without you there. Its too lonely...
Anyways, I figured while I was up I would tell you about Lion King. After I was so sick last week, we figured that Lion King was a bust and there was no way we could go. The day we should have left was the day I almost never left the bathroom. There was no way we could take the girls down, get settled, make it to the show, and enjoy it all in one day.
When I woke up on Wednesday I felt a million times better. My Mom and Dad thought that maybe my older sister and I should just make a dash down for the play and come back the next day. I wasn't sure how that would go with morning sickness and it being so last minute, but we decided to give it a go. We left Little E and her cousin with Nana and started on our way. (lol the snack of choice in the car was a California Roll of sushi. Thought that might make you laugh. We pregnant woman can't seem to get enough of that stuff lately.)
So we hoped in the car and got about an hour out when the check engine light in the car came on and it started acting a little funny. I got really nervous because we were in the subaru and last time that happened we blew that head gasket. We pulled into a Podunk gas station and figured out that I just hadn't added oil... in a long time... you would have been so mad at me! lol So I went inside and bought the only 2 things of oil in the entire gas station and poured them in. The car felt a lot more normal but the check engine light stayed on. I decided there was nothing more to be done but to keep going and figure it out in Provo.
We made it down to SLC without any further incident. But then I had to deal with driving around Salt Lake and trying to find the blasted theater. I hate city driving! You know how nervious I get trying to figure out all the stupid little rules and not hit anyone at the same time. I almost took out 2 pedestrians, had to make a couple of U turns, and had to try three times to park in this weird spot where you have to pull in backwards at an angle. When I finally turned off the car I was so relieved!!! I seriously wish you could have been there doing that scary stuff for me. But I didn't kill anyone so alls well that ends well. ;)
We hung out in the car for a few minutes while the rest of the gang (My older sister L, her husband, his parents, L's oldest, and my younger sister) all finished dinner and walked up to meet us. Then we walked about 3 blocks up to the Center Theater. It was such a cute tiny little theater. It was very old and historic looking. You would have totally loved it. I guess it was one of the first building that Brigham Young had built when they were making downtown. The one downside was that they had almost no bathrooms in the place!!! Ahhh a pregnant woman's nightmare! lol
When the show started I was immediately impressed with all the puppetry. It was totally amazing what they could do with just a bit of fabric, wood, feathers, and wire. I absolutely loved the masks on Scar and Mufasa. They would stay up above the actors heads most of the time, but if they crouched down it would come over their face and looked so cool and threatening. The music was very impressive and I enjoyed the whole show. I just wished that you could have been there as planned and talked about how fun it was afterward. But I am sure you probably stole a few peeks while I was there and that makes me happy.
There were a couple of songs that were a little hard for me to get through. I had forgotten that in the show Symba is dealing with his fathers death... it all hit a little close to home. He sings a song about how his dad promised to be there for him, but that he was gone. That was a little hard to watch as I felt our little boy kicking me and realized he might feel that way sometimes... But the hardest song was "he lives in you." It was comforting, but difficult to get through without crying. I have been looking for a version of it online that was as good as ours was live, but haven't found any yet. I will post the closest I could find. I am amazed at how good our cast was. All the things on youtube can't even touch them! Especially our Rafiki. She was so cool and even sang using that cool clicking language. :) It was so amazing.
After the show we headed back to L's house and enjoyed night of sleeping without listening for babies. I woke up about this same time and just layed in her hallway and looked out the windows at Mt Timp. It was beautiful and I thought of all of the places we never got to visit together. I have decided I am going to visit as many of them as possible because I have been promised you will be with me, so if I go you will see them too. I definitely promise to make it to Mt Fiji someday in Japan. I know that was one of your dreams and I will make it come true.
The next day was full of errands and fun with the family. We took the Subaru in and got it all fixed up to sell. The mechanic fixed that silly short in the sound system that made it so you have to drive with the lights on to hear any music. He also fixed the front speaker and both the fog lights. I had to laugh remembering how you broke the fog light when you tipped the car over in the ditch fishing with my dad, and how you cute your finger showing the damage to mom. Its nice to know that things like that damaged finger are now no longer something that bother you.
We also played with the boys outside. We helped them chase dragon flies around the yard. All they had to catch them was a couple of hats, so they didn't have much success but it was fun to watch them try. We then played a couple of rounds of candle tag. (you turn into a candle and melt slowly. If someone else tags you you are free but if you melt you are it.) After 2 rounds I realized why pregnant women don't usually play tag at 8 months. I felt like I had been riding a horse for 6 hours and had a hard time walking! lol It didn't hurt for too long but I decided running was off of my list of activities for the next month or so. I am sure you were there watching and laughing your head off as I waddled away from little N as fast as my belly would let me. At least I hope so, that would make it all a little more worth it to know you were entertained by the whole scenario. ;)
Anyways, I probably better wrap this up and get back to bed or I will be dead to the world tomorrow. I love you and hope that you are happy and working hard.
Sincerely,
Your hugely pregnant wife.
Your insomniac wife is back... its amazing how hard it is to get back to sleep when you aren't there next to me. Do you remember how I used to stay up late when you went on trips, and you would tell me off. I just never could sleep without you there. Its too lonely...
Anyways, I figured while I was up I would tell you about Lion King. After I was so sick last week, we figured that Lion King was a bust and there was no way we could go. The day we should have left was the day I almost never left the bathroom. There was no way we could take the girls down, get settled, make it to the show, and enjoy it all in one day.
When I woke up on Wednesday I felt a million times better. My Mom and Dad thought that maybe my older sister and I should just make a dash down for the play and come back the next day. I wasn't sure how that would go with morning sickness and it being so last minute, but we decided to give it a go. We left Little E and her cousin with Nana and started on our way. (lol the snack of choice in the car was a California Roll of sushi. Thought that might make you laugh. We pregnant woman can't seem to get enough of that stuff lately.)
So we hoped in the car and got about an hour out when the check engine light in the car came on and it started acting a little funny. I got really nervous because we were in the subaru and last time that happened we blew that head gasket. We pulled into a Podunk gas station and figured out that I just hadn't added oil... in a long time... you would have been so mad at me! lol So I went inside and bought the only 2 things of oil in the entire gas station and poured them in. The car felt a lot more normal but the check engine light stayed on. I decided there was nothing more to be done but to keep going and figure it out in Provo.
We made it down to SLC without any further incident. But then I had to deal with driving around Salt Lake and trying to find the blasted theater. I hate city driving! You know how nervious I get trying to figure out all the stupid little rules and not hit anyone at the same time. I almost took out 2 pedestrians, had to make a couple of U turns, and had to try three times to park in this weird spot where you have to pull in backwards at an angle. When I finally turned off the car I was so relieved!!! I seriously wish you could have been there doing that scary stuff for me. But I didn't kill anyone so alls well that ends well. ;)
We hung out in the car for a few minutes while the rest of the gang (My older sister L, her husband, his parents, L's oldest, and my younger sister) all finished dinner and walked up to meet us. Then we walked about 3 blocks up to the Center Theater. It was such a cute tiny little theater. It was very old and historic looking. You would have totally loved it. I guess it was one of the first building that Brigham Young had built when they were making downtown. The one downside was that they had almost no bathrooms in the place!!! Ahhh a pregnant woman's nightmare! lol
When the show started I was immediately impressed with all the puppetry. It was totally amazing what they could do with just a bit of fabric, wood, feathers, and wire. I absolutely loved the masks on Scar and Mufasa. They would stay up above the actors heads most of the time, but if they crouched down it would come over their face and looked so cool and threatening. The music was very impressive and I enjoyed the whole show. I just wished that you could have been there as planned and talked about how fun it was afterward. But I am sure you probably stole a few peeks while I was there and that makes me happy.
There were a couple of songs that were a little hard for me to get through. I had forgotten that in the show Symba is dealing with his fathers death... it all hit a little close to home. He sings a song about how his dad promised to be there for him, but that he was gone. That was a little hard to watch as I felt our little boy kicking me and realized he might feel that way sometimes... But the hardest song was "he lives in you." It was comforting, but difficult to get through without crying. I have been looking for a version of it online that was as good as ours was live, but haven't found any yet. I will post the closest I could find. I am amazed at how good our cast was. All the things on youtube can't even touch them! Especially our Rafiki. She was so cool and even sang using that cool clicking language. :) It was so amazing.
After the show we headed back to L's house and enjoyed night of sleeping without listening for babies. I woke up about this same time and just layed in her hallway and looked out the windows at Mt Timp. It was beautiful and I thought of all of the places we never got to visit together. I have decided I am going to visit as many of them as possible because I have been promised you will be with me, so if I go you will see them too. I definitely promise to make it to Mt Fiji someday in Japan. I know that was one of your dreams and I will make it come true.
The next day was full of errands and fun with the family. We took the Subaru in and got it all fixed up to sell. The mechanic fixed that silly short in the sound system that made it so you have to drive with the lights on to hear any music. He also fixed the front speaker and both the fog lights. I had to laugh remembering how you broke the fog light when you tipped the car over in the ditch fishing with my dad, and how you cute your finger showing the damage to mom. Its nice to know that things like that damaged finger are now no longer something that bother you.
We also played with the boys outside. We helped them chase dragon flies around the yard. All they had to catch them was a couple of hats, so they didn't have much success but it was fun to watch them try. We then played a couple of rounds of candle tag. (you turn into a candle and melt slowly. If someone else tags you you are free but if you melt you are it.) After 2 rounds I realized why pregnant women don't usually play tag at 8 months. I felt like I had been riding a horse for 6 hours and had a hard time walking! lol It didn't hurt for too long but I decided running was off of my list of activities for the next month or so. I am sure you were there watching and laughing your head off as I waddled away from little N as fast as my belly would let me. At least I hope so, that would make it all a little more worth it to know you were entertained by the whole scenario. ;)
Anyways, I probably better wrap this up and get back to bed or I will be dead to the world tomorrow. I love you and hope that you are happy and working hard.
Sincerely,
Your hugely pregnant wife.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Sick days
Dear Michael,
I can't sleep. I have been up for an hour and a half now and I am not getting any closer to that wonderful state called slumber. I miss you. I want to be able to just roll over and grab your hand and force you to snuggle me. That would cure my restlessness instantly. I miss you being next to me. I still feel like maybe if I just turn the corner fast enough, or climb up a special mountain, or drive to a specific place, maybe I will find you there waiting for me. It is really hard to accept that you aren't going to just call me up sometime soon to check up on how I am behaving while you are away...
I had an interesting week. I thought you would like to hear about it. Saturday Little E came down with a stomach bug. She is just like me, stomach bugs hit us both very hard. So I spent from 11:30 to 4 am catching her vomit in a bucket every half hour. The poor thing was so cuddly and sweet. She even figured out to aim for the bucket and let me know when she needed it. She is turning into such a big girl! I am amazed as I watch her grow. She is just so strong already and so very like you. I really missed you that night. I know it wasn't a pleasant experience but I really wanted it to be you that was helping me through this first, just like you helped me through all her other firsts... The next couple of days she had diarrhea and just didn't seem to be feeling much better. So we took her and her cousin to the doctor (They both had the bug, but cousin only threw up 2 times... she is so like her mommy too). He figured out it was bacterial and gave us some antibiotics.
They began feeling better very quickly after we got those, but I caught it the next day. Just like Little E I spent the whole day next to the porcelain god. It was so miserable. I couldn't sleep because I felt too sick, and eventually I got so dehydrated my arms and legs were tingly like they had fallen asleep. So Amber and I had to go up to Labor and Delivery at the hospital and get me a couple of bags of IV fluid... You know how much I hate needles! You would have been very proud of me. I didn't even move a muscle while she poked me. I really wanted you there to hold my hand, but Amber kept me pretty well entertained. We were stuck there for 2 hours, but I felt much better by the time I left. Maybe and IV isn't so bad, but I still hate needles!
I had an interesting thought today, and wanted to share it with you. I don't know if you remember my family history very well, but my great grandma lost both her son and husband to the big flu epidemic. She still had grandma and was pregnant with her sister. I just had this story pop into my head this morning and realized that I had never really thought about how this poor woman had felt. What her life must have been like and how it was all turned upside down in an instant. I never thought I would have so much in common with her... My dad told me a funny story about this time though. I guess she was very depressed and didn't want to have the baby anymore. She told all of her friends that she didn't know how she would handle it and that she wanted to give the baby away. Well, the day she got home with the baby, a good friend of hers showed up at the door with a baby basket and said, "I have everything ready. Where is the baby? I am here to take her home with me." This made Great Grandma realize that she really did want the baby and what a blessing she would be. I think that friend was so great! What a funny way to help someone realize that they can do the hard things. :)
This made me start to think about our new baby and how you were probably giving him all kinds of instructions on how to live an eventful life... then I thought about who else was up there with you helping him out. I am a little nervous now because I know grandpa is up there helping, and even scarier great grandpa Howie is up there! He was my grandmas step dad and never stopped pulling pranks and giving those two girls a hard time! I am sure together you three are preparing me quite a little trickster! Please go easy on me. I don't know how I will handle this little boy if you send him too well prepared and with to many tricks up his sleeves.
Well, I had better try to get a couple more hours of sleep or I won't make it through the day. I love you very dearly. It was nice to feel like I got to talk to you. I am sure you can read this and that you are watching over us. Just please keep my sanity in mind when training this little boy!
Your adoring wife
I can't sleep. I have been up for an hour and a half now and I am not getting any closer to that wonderful state called slumber. I miss you. I want to be able to just roll over and grab your hand and force you to snuggle me. That would cure my restlessness instantly. I miss you being next to me. I still feel like maybe if I just turn the corner fast enough, or climb up a special mountain, or drive to a specific place, maybe I will find you there waiting for me. It is really hard to accept that you aren't going to just call me up sometime soon to check up on how I am behaving while you are away...
I had an interesting week. I thought you would like to hear about it. Saturday Little E came down with a stomach bug. She is just like me, stomach bugs hit us both very hard. So I spent from 11:30 to 4 am catching her vomit in a bucket every half hour. The poor thing was so cuddly and sweet. She even figured out to aim for the bucket and let me know when she needed it. She is turning into such a big girl! I am amazed as I watch her grow. She is just so strong already and so very like you. I really missed you that night. I know it wasn't a pleasant experience but I really wanted it to be you that was helping me through this first, just like you helped me through all her other firsts... The next couple of days she had diarrhea and just didn't seem to be feeling much better. So we took her and her cousin to the doctor (They both had the bug, but cousin only threw up 2 times... she is so like her mommy too). He figured out it was bacterial and gave us some antibiotics.
They began feeling better very quickly after we got those, but I caught it the next day. Just like Little E I spent the whole day next to the porcelain god. It was so miserable. I couldn't sleep because I felt too sick, and eventually I got so dehydrated my arms and legs were tingly like they had fallen asleep. So Amber and I had to go up to Labor and Delivery at the hospital and get me a couple of bags of IV fluid... You know how much I hate needles! You would have been very proud of me. I didn't even move a muscle while she poked me. I really wanted you there to hold my hand, but Amber kept me pretty well entertained. We were stuck there for 2 hours, but I felt much better by the time I left. Maybe and IV isn't so bad, but I still hate needles!
I had an interesting thought today, and wanted to share it with you. I don't know if you remember my family history very well, but my great grandma lost both her son and husband to the big flu epidemic. She still had grandma and was pregnant with her sister. I just had this story pop into my head this morning and realized that I had never really thought about how this poor woman had felt. What her life must have been like and how it was all turned upside down in an instant. I never thought I would have so much in common with her... My dad told me a funny story about this time though. I guess she was very depressed and didn't want to have the baby anymore. She told all of her friends that she didn't know how she would handle it and that she wanted to give the baby away. Well, the day she got home with the baby, a good friend of hers showed up at the door with a baby basket and said, "I have everything ready. Where is the baby? I am here to take her home with me." This made Great Grandma realize that she really did want the baby and what a blessing she would be. I think that friend was so great! What a funny way to help someone realize that they can do the hard things. :)
This made me start to think about our new baby and how you were probably giving him all kinds of instructions on how to live an eventful life... then I thought about who else was up there with you helping him out. I am a little nervous now because I know grandpa is up there helping, and even scarier great grandpa Howie is up there! He was my grandmas step dad and never stopped pulling pranks and giving those two girls a hard time! I am sure together you three are preparing me quite a little trickster! Please go easy on me. I don't know how I will handle this little boy if you send him too well prepared and with to many tricks up his sleeves.
Well, I had better try to get a couple more hours of sleep or I won't make it through the day. I love you very dearly. It was nice to feel like I got to talk to you. I am sure you can read this and that you are watching over us. Just please keep my sanity in mind when training this little boy!
Your adoring wife
Thursday, August 12, 2010
A hard morning.
I have had a couple of hard mornings now. It doesn't help that whenever I cry I end up losing my breakfast... but that is just a part of what made them not to wonderful.
Yesterday I cleaned out Michael's classroom. It was so difficult to walk down that hallway and know that he wasn't going to be waiting in the classroom with a surprised look on his face because I brought him a treat for lunch. It did help that the classroom was mostly empty. They had just waxed the floor so it didn't really seem like his classroom. I had to go through drawers and cabinets for 5 hours trying to find anything personal that belonged to him. It was fun at times to come across a cute note to a student, or be surprised by finding his sheep brain in a cabinet when I wasn't expecting it. My poor mom wouldn't even look at it!
I did feel like I was helped by Michael at times. There were filing cabinets filled to the brim with what looked like test scores etc, but I was led to a yearbook and a folder full of the funniest notes I have seen any of his kids give him. They were ransom notes demanding cake. lol
After I finished and got ready to leave, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. This was one of the tasks I had been most dreading and parts of it ended up being pretty fun. I will really miss visiting him in his classroom, but I am glad that I had so many memories there in the first place. He always invited me down for his funnest days, so I got to see a side of him that most wives wouldn't have. I got to see him interact with those kids and make them laugh harder than I thought possible. They worshiped him, and so did I.
This morning was even harder, if that is possible. Little E came up to me while family around us was talking about her cousins daddy. She looked me in the eye and said, "Daddy Michael coming home soon." She didn't ask it like a question, it was a statement. She had even added in his name to be sure I wouldn't misunderstand her meaning. I had to look her in those beautiful blue eyes and say, "No honey, daddy isn't coming home. Daddy is dead remember?" She said "Sleeping?" I said, "Not sleeping, dead. Remember?" She then replied, "Little sleeping?" almost in a begging tone. Tears came to my eyes as I told her sadly, "No, dead. Remember? He is living with heavenly father and Jesus now." She got distracted at this point and walked away to play with a toy. My heart broke for her. How am I supposed to explain what has happened to a child that has no grasp of what life and death really are? How am I supposed to help her to make it through this time without her father? I know that he was called away to do something important, but what could be more important than this beautiful blue eyed innocent child? What could be more important than his son who will never be able to meet him?
I was starting to pull myself together when I realized that she would have been right! Michael was supposed to come home tomorrow. He would have finished up his work today, packed all of his things, and driven home to be with me tomorrow. We would have gone to his good friends wedding and spent a week with another of his friends. They would have gone out and kayaked and long boarded and had a great time. He would have been sleeping next to me again starting tomorrow night...
I still have faith that there is a plan and this is all a part of it. I know that this plan is for the good of all of us. That we cannot possibly understand the intricate pattern which is being woven by our loving Father in Heaven. He truly does love us. He loves my children, he loves me, and he loves Michael. I know all of this to be true. I just wish I could understand the pattern a little bit more, that I could glimpse a small peek at our future and understand how he will make this all better. Because someday, he will. This too shall pass, and time heals all wounds. Most importantly of all, my savior, Jesus Christ, felt and understood the pain that I am feeling now. He knows more intimately than any other person what I am feeling. He loves me and would never have allowed this to happen to me if it weren't for a very important reason. Someday, I too will be called home to his loving arms, and the arms of my dear husband. Then I will finally understand the beauty of what has happened here. I just have to be patient and have faith until that day arrives. He will give me strength to make it to that day.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Just a funny moment. :)
Michael was playing around with his guitar and he looked at me and said, "This is for you hon!" He then broke out into Taylor Swifts "Romeo and Juliet." I grabbed the camera as fast as I could and tried to record his moment of girliness, but alas I was not fast enough. Here is a clip of him right after making up for his "moment of weakness" by playing on his electric guitar. He is down in his "Man cave" where all of the coolest things in our house live. :) It was pretty common for him to go down and jam out with Little E dancing by his side.
Michael's Obituary
Michael Spencer McCullough, 31, passed from this life doing something he loved, scuba diving in Lake Coeur d’Alene on July 27, 2010.
We knew we were in for an adventure when he entered this life at a whopping 11 pounds, and he didn’t disappoint. Born May 14, 1979 in Merced, CA to Michael Earl McCullough and Sheryl Lynn Kerr McCullough, he grew up as a military kid, loving the adventure of moving all over the country. He was happy, easy-going and just rolled with life. He graduated from Kamiakin High School in 1997.
He lived with gusto and relished being a husband and father. He was a talented guitar player, and brought his own special vibe to family gatherings. A strong and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Michael served a mission to Santiago Chile (East). Michael married the love of his life, Jennifer Embree, on October 8, 2005 in the Idaho Falls Temple. He graduated from BYU-Idaho in 2006 and became the best, most exciting Math and Science teacher ever to teach at Madison Middle School. He taught for four years and received the Teacher of the Year Award for 2008-2009. He was a deeply loyal friend, brother, husband, father, uncle and son; fulfilling each role with signature flair. Michael is survived by his wife, Jennifer, Rigby, ID; daughter Lillian, unborn son, Michael due September 27th; parents: Michael and Sheryl McCullough, Kennewick, WA; sisters, Jennifer Andersen, Melissa Earl, Kristine Claybrook, grandmother Joyce Kerr, and a host of aunts, uncles, cousins and adoring nieces and nephews; he was welcomed to heaven by his sister Sara McCullough.
A memorial will be held Saturday, July 31st, at the LDS church on 969 Gage Boulevard in Richland, Washington at 1 pm.
Funeral services will also be held on Monday, August 2, 2010 at 11 a.m., at 258 W 1 N, Rigby, Idaho. Friends call at Eckersell memorial Chapel Sunday 6:00-7:30 p.m. and again at the church Monday 9:30-10:45 a.m. The Interment will be in the Annis Little Butte Cemetery, near Rigby ID.
Contributions can be made in his name at any US Bank branch or Beehive Federal Credit Union.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Michael's Memorial Movie
Michael loved life so much. He really knew how to live. I just wanted to tell you about a couple of the pictures in this video so you can fully appreciate his craziness. The pictures of him swimming in the lake are from when they went for a dip in Meadow Lake. It was about 34 degrees in the water. There was snow melting into it all around the lake. I will have to post a video later of him jumping in. It brings a huge smile to my face to watch those crazy boys having a great time together.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
I got to see my husband yesterday.
Yesterday afternoon I was finally able to go and see Michael. We have a very close friend of the family who runs the funeral home here in Rigby and he was so sweet and kind to me through this whole experience. I am so grateful to him.
I was very nervous about going to see Michael because I have never been to a viewing before. I didn't know how I was going to handle this, especially with it being the love of my life. The hardest moment what when I walked in the front doors. I could see him across the room and I hadn't expected to see him right away. It was so shocking because I have been very good at hiding in blissful denial up until that point. I started to cry right away but I took a few moments to get a little more composed in another room and then went in to see him.
At first all I could do was cry. My Dad was with me and he just held me tight and let me get it all out. After a few minutes (it took far less time than I thought to compose myself) I was able to calm down enough to ask for some time on my own. I had a very nice long conversation with Michael. I made him promises like that I would do my darnedest not to turn his son into a sissy boy. ;) He always wanted to make sure this little boy knew how to do all the cool things that I guy should know; like blowing fire, camping, fishing, and general mayhem. I am grateful to have so many wonderful nephews and uncles not to mention my dad to help me desissify him.
While I was talking with him I began to feel so much better. I held his hand and stroked his cheek. I ran my fingers through his hair and memorized his face. At first I was still a wreck but the room began to feel so peaceful. There was such a comforting spirit there. The spirit was trying to tell me it was all going to be ok. I have a hard time beleiving that right now, but for that moment I knew that it was true. I knew that this wonderful man was taken from me for a very important reason. I have been jokingly saying that maybe I should have aimed a little lower instead of marrying one of the best guys ever. But I am so grateful for the time I got to spend with him next to me in this life.
As I was talking with him there were a few things that I had to laugh at. One was that someone had finally gotten him in makeup. I had tried a few times to get him to let me put some on him just for kicks and giggles, but he would have nothing to do with it! I teased him about that for a moment and it helped me to feel a little better. The other thing was how big he looked laying there. I had been concerned that he wouldn't fit in the standard length casket because he was such a tall man. I had to giggle when I saw what a tight squeeze it was. He always did have a hard time finding a bed to sleep on that his feet didn't hang off of the end. We had just bought a California King this year and it kind of felt wrong to him to actually fit on the bed. Its going to be far to big for just me...
As I sat there talking to him it was very interesting how many different feelings I had going on at the same time. There was terrible sadness and confusion as to what had happened and why it had to happen. There was a small amount of pride from knowing that my husband had been called on a special mission and that he finally knew what he was supposed to be doing. He had been struggling for a few years because he felt like he hadn't found his calling yet. Now he has. There was such a strong acking to have him just turn his head and open his eyes to look and me. I wanted him to jump up and hug me and say "Just kidding honey! Wasn't that the best practical joke ever?!" I sat there promising him that if he did that I wouldn't be mad at him. I would just be so happy that it wasn't real. But he never did. I ached for his arms to reach up and hold me in his wonderful tight embrace. I wished for his hands to just squeeze mine back, even the tiniest bit. Just something to show me that he was still there. That he still loves me. That he knew I was there with him. But all I got was that peaceful feeling. I suppose it will have to be enough. It was wonderful while it lasted. I wish I could feel it now...
I have been told by several members of the family that they have felt him there comforting them. That they knew he was right there. So far I haven't felt that. I don't know if I am just too numb to feel much of anything right now or if I just wouldn't be able to recognize it in my current confused state of mind. I do know I felt the spirit comforting me. But it just felt like the same spirit I have come to know and love throughout my life. It didn't feel like Michael. It wasn't enough. I need my husband back. But since I don't get to have what I need I will learn to live with what I can get, and be grateful for it.
I am still just so grateful for my last hug and kiss. We knew he was going away for three weeks. He held me so closely and for so long. He kissed me so tenderly. I knew he loved me more than he could say. He knew I loved him too. That moment will be playing in my head forever. I just wish I could go back to it and live in it forever. One of his hugs would feel like heaven to me now.
My dearest Michael, I love you so much. I miss you. I need you. Please come back to me soon. I don't know how that would be possible, but if there is a way I know you will find it. You always were good at fixing anything that was broken. Please find a way to fix me. Please find a way to fix your poor families hearts. They miss you so much. Your mom and dad miss you so much! I know you can do it. I know it will take time. We will be patient. But please don't waist any time with dilly dallying! I will miss you every moment until we see each other again. I just hope there won't be more moments than I can handle.
I love you!
Jenny
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