Holding our son

Dear Michael,

Today I was holding our son while feeding him his bottle before nap time and thinking to myself about how much he has grown and all the ways he has changed in the past month. I have been really struggling with how large he has gotten because it has physically started hurting me to carry him and take care of his needs. I try to do things in a smart way (use a baby carrier when I can, feed him his bottle in a different position every night so I don't throw out my back etc). I can remember this phase with Little E and having to get a wrist brace because my arm couldn't take the strain of helping her walk. This makes me sound really weak, but frankly, your kids are huge! lol I wonder where they got that from?

Anyways, I was feeling kind of sad because he is weaning himself right now and I am down to nursing him 1 time a day. I just don't want to let go of this time with him. I have no guarantee that I will ever get to do this again. I know people always say "You are young, you will get remarried and have more children." But I have learned that there are no real promises of what our future holds save one. Death. That sounds morbid but it also means we will someday see all our loved ones again and be reunited with our savior. Doesn't sound that bad to me actually. Anyways, I was feeling bad for myself and then I had a thought. You never got to hold him. Not even once. How much would you have given to hold our baby boy in your arms? How much would you give to help catch him as he learns to toddle across our living room floor? I need to stop focusing on what I don't have promised to me in the future and instead enjoy the wonders of what I get to experience today, right now! My life is so beautiful and I need to take it all in for you as well as for me.  I need to have a grateful heart so that it will be more open for the wonders that our Heavenly Father has in store for my future. I am working on it honey, and I gave him an extra special hug today and held him a little tighter just for you.

Love,
Jenny