Michael the Adventurer

I just read Michael's final journal entry. It was interesting to me how much it fits into this situation. Michael was always an adventurer. I just talked with one of his sisters and she said to me, "On any given day Michael did something that could kill him. It just happened to be scuba diving that finally did." That is very true. Our entire courtship consisted of a summer full of adventures. We bridge jumped, hiked mountains, and chased thunderstorms. He continued to have adventures through our marriage and enjoyed the trip of a lifetime earlier this summer when he traveled to Alaska with my dad. Michael truly knew how to enjoy life by taking chances and enjoying the rush. But he was also a strong man that was always trying to become stronger.

I also thought that the verses he shared in this entry would help all of us who have been struggling with his leaving us. It is a truth that brings great comfort. God truly can make weak things become strong. Sometimes it takes some very difficult times to accomplish that. This is one of those times.


7-22-10 2 Nephi 3:13 For me this is the verse of the day. "And out of weakness he shall be make strong"... This needs to be my prayer motto mantra. I am so weak and wish so much to be made strong. The craving for those endorphins release in the fight or flight response is so strong. The colors of real life seem pale. Somehow I need to live without it or find a constructive way to access them. I have to beleive in the promise found in Ether 12:27 "Come unto me, Then I will make weak things become strong." Amazing promise. -Michael

2 Nephi 3:13
13 And out of weakness he shall be made strong, in that day when my work shall commence among all my people, unto the restoring thee, O house of Israel, saith the Lord.

Ether 12:27
27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their ^aweakness. I ^bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my ^cgrace is sufficient for all men that ^dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make ^eweak things become strong unto them.

Last Saturday

Michael doing one of his favorite pastimes... trying to burn down the neighborhood.

Last saturday was a beautiful sunny day. Michael and I spent the morning lounging around and relaxing. Michael spent half of the morning playing the game plants vs. zombies on his Ipod. Little E loves watching him play that game. She begs me to put on the zombie movie (its very cartoony and not scary at all). Michael would sit there with Little E crawling further and further on top of him to get a better view of him "putting the zombies to sleep" until she would be literally sitting on his neck/face and he couldn't breathe much less see the game.

We finally decided it was time to get to work and spent part of the day just tidying up the house and getting things ready for his trip to north Idaho. When naptime came I am pretty sure we all three took advantage of the peace and quite. Michael and I loved taking naps together and snuggling away the afternoon. Sometimes he would want to stay up a read a book and I would moan and pester him until he finally gave up and rolled over to give me the proper amount of attention and snuggles to fall asleep. Usually I would say "Just roll over until I am asleep and then you can read" but we both knew he would be out like a light by then too. Even though he knew that he pretty much always gave me my way.

After naptime we decided it was important to do something fun as a family. It was the last day before he left for 3 weeks that we could really go out and play. We considered going to the air show but decided that we wanted to spend some time at Rigby Lake instead. The lake has a very special place in our hearts because it is where we shared our first kiss. Over on the swing set by the front entrance. It has always been a place to have fun and be ourselves.

We packed up our kayak and took Little E and all her new sand toys she got for her birthday out to the west side of the lake. Once we got everything unloaded Michael took her out for a ride around the lake. They paddled around for a long time with him showing her how neat the boat was and her snuggling on his lap. When they came back she wanted more boat so I took her out for a ride too. Michael swam behind us to make sure that if I tipped over he would be there to help my sorry pregnant soul back into the kayak and to help keep Little E from tipping me over. We paddled a little ways and then stopped to give him a rest. He spent the next few minutes making Little E laugh hysterically by swimming underneath the kayak while blowing bubbles and then magically appearing on the other side. Each time he popped up he was grinning from ear to ear and she would clap her hands and say "again! again!" He would then happily oblige her with another round of bubbles.

When we paddled back he told me that I should go for a little bit of a swim. I was having a hard time making myself go in past my knees but he kept encouraging me and jokingly asked where the adventurous girl went the he dated. The one that would jump off of bridges for fun... or more accurately to impress the guy of her dreams. I then told him that girl had died when she got knocked up and would probably be back someday. I finally jumped in and he and Little E spent the next few minutes digging in the dirt and attempting to make sand castles with her new toys. They never really succeeded. The sand was either too dry or too wet and it wouldn't hold. But she didn't care. It was just fun to dig up a bunch of mud with daddy's help and drop it in a bucket.

After a little while he decided to take the kayak for another spin around the lake. He paddled out and Little E wanted to "walk to daddy!" and kept trying to walk further and further out into the water trying to follow him. I tried to explain that he was too far out and it was too deep. She would turn around about when the water hit her chest but would try again a few feet further up the beach. It was really cute to watch her trying to get out to him. He paddled out near the island and then laid down in the kayak and put his hat over his face. When he came back after about 15 minutes he told me how much he loved listening to the sound of the water lapping up against the kayak. It was so peaceful and relaxing to him to be out on the water. He has always been a bit of a fish at heart. Many of our dates during the summer that we met involved swimming in some form or other. I was always so impressed with his swimming abilities. He was so fun to watch in the water, and scuba diving was a dream come true to him. He couldn't get enough of it. It really bugged him that there wasn't anywhere worth diving in our area. That was one of the reasons that he was so excited about doing this job. He was going to be paid to do something that he absolutely loved.

He finally came back and we packed up to go back home. He thanked me for going out with him and said it was the perfect Saturday. And it was.

Memorial and Funeral Arangements

Michael's Memorial service will be Saturday, July 31, at the LDS church on 969 Gage Blvd Richland, Wa at 1 pm.

A funeral will be held on Monday, August 1st in Rigby, Id. There will be a viewing at the Eckersell Funeral home on Sunday from 6-7:30 pm. A second viewing and the Funeral will be held on Monday at the Rigby Stake Center 258 W 1 N (across from the Jr. High). The viewing will be from 9:30-10:45. The Funeral begins at 11:00. Then we will move to the Annis Little Butte Cemetery.

A trust fund has been set up at Beehive Federal Credit Union, and US Bank in his name.

This can't be real. Michael passed away...

He may be gone but we had an amazing life. We will be together again.

It is 2:30 in the morning. I can't sleep. I just can't stop thinking that someone has played a terrible practical joke on me. I will surely wake up in the morning to find this is all a big misunderstanding.

This afternoon Michael called me and talked to me for a few minutes. He had driven up to north Idaho to dive for golf balls with my Uncle Bob as a summer job for a couple of weeks. We were hoping he would earn enough doing this that he wouldn't have to work the after school program this year. I wanted him home at 4pm everyday instead of 6pm. I wanted him to spend more time with me and his new baby boy. He told me on the phone about how much fun he was having. He said the water was very clear and he loved reaching zero buoyancy because it felt like flying. The fish would swim right up to him and check out what he was doing. He was working very hard and he said it was very hot in his dry suit. We joked around about how the golf course was very ritzy and he didn't feel like he could go to take a rest stop because he was in sweaty clothes. He told me he had come back up because he used up his first tank of air and something was wrong with the second tank. He thought it was missing an 0 ring. Bob showed up to help him fix it. He told me that he loved me and would call me later. I told him I loved him too and to have a great time...

I went for a walk with Little E to my friend Tasha's house after her nap time. When I came home to start dinner my brother knocked on the door. Something was very wrong. I thought maybe Alan had been in an accident or grandma had passed away. I was on the phone with my little sister and he told her we would call her right back. Then he told me the worst news I have ever heard in my life. Michael was in an accident. He never came back up. They pulled him out of the water and took him to the hospital but he never woke up. He was called back to our heavenly father.

I just keep thinking of our last morning together. We were getting him ready to drive up to north Idaho. I made him a special breakfast of scrabbled eggs with all the fixings. Sausage, green pepper, fresh tomatoes from the garden. He ate one of the tomatoes raw and talked about how much better they tasted that way. While he got all of his stuff together Little E and I picked him a handful of our raspberries that are just coming on. She ate most of them but we did manage to get him a few as a special treat.

We took a family shower together. Little E loves taking showers with Mommy and Daddy. She enjoys taking turns snuggling us under the water and laughs when we use the "tickle soap", a homemade soap her grandma made us that has lavender pieces in it. It tickles her when we use it. Since Michael was going to be gone for 3 weeks I really wanted her to let him know she loved him. So I got her to tell him "I love you" over and over in the shower accompanied by a sweet kiss on the lips. She really adores her daddy. She woke up last night in the middle of the night because she had wet the bed (we are not worrying about night time training anymore. I can't do it now.) She came out and kept looking for him in our bed. She wanted to kiss daddy awake. I kept telling her daddy wasn't home but she wanted him anyways. She loves him so much.

We got dressed and went outside to see him off. He opened the garage door and pulled me in close for a wonderful tight hug and a very loving long kiss. He told me he loved me and wanted me to be careful while he was gone. He didn't want me to do something silly like lift heavy things while being so pregnant. I told him to be careful too and to be sure and eat and take good care of himself. He promised me he would. He got into the car and Little E wanted to sit on his lap in the drivers seat and play with the steering wheel. He let her for a minute and told her to be a good girl for mommy. Then he gave us both one more hug and kiss and drove away. I ran from the driveway around the corner to watch him drive until he was out of sight. It is a habit I have had since I was a little girl. I am so glad I did. Little waved after him and kept saying, "Love you daddy! Bye!"

I miss him so much already. But I still can't beleive he is really gone. There has to be some sort of mistake because things like this just don't happen. They just don't! He was young and healthy and we are having a baby boy in 2 months. The son he was so sure we would never have because he knew we were going to have all girls. I now know this little boys name. I could't make myself think of a name for this whole pregnancy. I just felt like it wasn't the time to worry about that. Now I know that his name is Michael.

I can't write anymore right now. I am crying to hard and my head hurts. Its hard to see the screen. But I wanted to record our last morning in as much detail as I could remember. While it was playing in my head.

I love you Michael. I know we will be together as a family again. We have been sealed in the temple and that is the most comforting thought I have right now. I love you. I miss you. Please call me and tell me this isn't real... that its a mistake... Please... please...

Little E's New Big Girl Room

Man, I can't beleive how long its been since I posted on here. Sorry about that folks, but we have been busy little Beavers in this house the last couple of months. We have been working on one project after the other. First we finished up the bathroom (well, I still have a couple of finishing touches like silicon caulk on 2 walls and a small area to paint but its finally usable!) My dear husbands parents came for a visit and didn't even complain that we spent half the time finishing the bathroom up. We had a really great time with them and went to the museum of Idaho to Wolf to Woof. We also went to the zoo for my birthday (almost a month ago! Holy cow I am behind). Little E really likes the zoo and we had a great time there. I will post before and after pictures later for the bathroom. I have to be on the other computer to do them.

The next project we did was a trip to Alaska. I will let my dear husband post about his amazing experiences up there for your enjoyment later. He and my dad flew up my dad's little airplane and had a great time catching enormous fish and chasing down bears. While they were gone my Mom and I spent the whole time going through all the baby clothes and getting them organized. That was a ton of work but I am so glad we did it. There was way to much laundry and it made my house so hot using the dryer that much! I am so grateful we didn't put it off until August! That would have been miserable.

Once the man got back from his mountaineering trip we worked on getting the garage all cleaned out. I couldn't beleive how many boxes we had just shoved in the garage and never unpacked when we moved in last August! lol Just goes to show you that you never really move in until you have spring cleaned for several years in a row! We also finally got the drywall put up on the wall between the garage and the house. My Mom and younger sister came and helped hold up the heavy pieces and we are so grateful! We needed to get those up to help fireproof between the garage and the house. It gives me just a little bit more piece of mind that we have that done.

Once we got those projects finished we started on my favorite project so far! Little E's new big girl room! My older sister came up and helped me to figure out the cutest ideas for her room. We based it all around the bed spread we found at target. I also scored on a clearance bean bag chair and decals to match. We painted it a beautiful sunshine yellow and we were going to do a blue stripe around the middle. But once my sister saw the cute decals she came up with an amazing idea to use the blue to frame in the little creatures like a picture over her bed and reading nook. It turned out a hundred times cuter than I could have imagined! I am so grateful that she came and helped me do all the taping and thinking for measurements because my brain couldn't have handled that while pregnant. lol

My whole family has been so kind and sharing during this whole process. My parents have loaned us a twin sized mattress and my older sister is passing down her little girls (ok, not so little she is almost a teenager I guess.) bed, side table, and some sconces. :) It is such a huge blessing right now! Since we have been doing so many projects at once (trying to get it all done before baby arrives) it really helps to not have to buy all this furniture too!

Here are some cute pictures of Little E's new room!
There will be a day bed and two side tables on this wall. We will probably also have a sconce light on each side of the bed.

Here is her cute little reading nook. There will be a tiny book shelf on the right side of the bean bag chair. It came from my grandmas house when she was first married and has been passed down through the family for a long time. My older sister told me that she used it as a barbie house when she was a little girl. I think I did the same thing. :) We just have to paint it white to match the rest of the furniture in the room before it can be moved in.

I love the cute little squirrel on this wall. He looks like he is watching the flower fall from the sky. :) I am going to make cute curtains from some matching sheets for the window.

Not much on this wall yet. But we will have a white dresser (just need to finish painting it) and I am going to hang her blessing dress up above the dresser. I think it will end up being very sweet.

We tried her new big girl bed for a nap today. She protested a little and then stayed in bed for 1/2 hour. Finally she quietly came to the door and called for me. (I had a baby gate up in the doorway). I asked if she wanted her nap in the big girl bed or her crib and she chose crib. We will try again later but I think it was a good first try. She seamed to enjoy being in her bed for a short time and just couldn't fall asleep because it was too new. We just need to give it time. :)

Little E

Potty Time!

Please not that this blog is all about the potty. If you think that's gross I am sorry but I am so proud and want to remember how well Little E is doing in the future. So now you have been warned. ;)

We have been working with Little E for the past few months on going to the potty. She thought it was fun every once in a while and probably really went in it only 3 or 4 times. But she knew all the words and was willing to sit on it and that's all I really wanted her to do. This last week she has really shown an interest in it! We have been making huge strides in getting the whole potty thing down and I couldn't be prouder.
About 3 days ago she wanted to go potty and sat down and we read books. She went after about 15 minutes of playing and got a "Big Treat!!" She was so excited and the next day she went in it twice! Sunday was most impressive to me. She wanted to be on her potty before church but nothing happened. Then we went to church and she grabbed her little changing bag and looked at me and said "Potty!" grabbed my hand and dragged me down the hall. I showed her where the bathroom was and said "They are big potties. Lets try one." She sat down and instantly went to the bathroom! Then stopped for a second and said "more!" and peed some more. She was so excited and ran back to tell her daddy all about the big potty.
Today we tried the potty before nap time (I still just ask her if she wants to try the potty and don't push if she says no. But I make a big deal if she wants to try it). We went in and she wanted to try our big potty. So I put the potty chair on and we started a book. About halfway through she did #1. I got all excited and tried to take her off to get a treat but she said, "NO! Potty!" and sat back down. So I waited and she did a little other business. I got even more excited and tried to take her off again but she still said "NO! More potty!" So I waited and she did a whole bunch more business after a few minutes. I was so proud of her and couldn't beleive how well she was able to know what was going on with her little body. I hope our good luck streak continues and that she keeps improving, but I am already just so proud of my big girl!

I also sewed her some training panties yesterday. After hours of work I finally got them done and tried them on her. (Hours of frustrating work I might add! I had the wrong size on my snap press and didn't realize so the snaps kept breaking. I was also using the wrong stitch so the fold over elastic didn't work right either... sewing is hard!) Anyways, they were like elephant panties!! I am not kidding! They were twice as big as they needed to be. I really should have taken a picture of her running around with them falling off as she moved. I was so frustrated because I didn't know how to go about fixing them. But this morning I just printed the pattern off at like 70% and cut them back down to that size. I sewed them back together and tried them on her. They were a little tight (ah! sizing is just so hard!) but I figured out that I could sew a little tab of jersey stretch fabric on the sides so she would be comfortable moving in them and they could be easily pulled on and off which was the whole point! I will post a picture of my final product when she wakes up and I figure out my final measurements for the tabs. Anyways, I guess the moral to the story is, Sewing is really hard! ;)