My Little Angel

Dear Michael,

Did you know that you left a little angel to watch over and take care of me? Little E has been so wonderful to me through this entire process. Sure she has her moments where she wants to be defiant or has a melt down, but she has been such a blessing every day. Watching her joy at the simplest things in life brings joy into what could be a very dreary looking world to me. She gets so excited when she sees a lady bug or spider and pretends to catch them all the time. But they quickly "fly away!" and need to be caught again! "I did it!!! I catch it!!"

She really has been enjoying the cat face spider living outside of baby brothers bedroom window the past couple of days. She watched him climb up his web with a bug yesterday and since has talked about the "cat spider" eating the "nummy bug!" a lot. Today at bedtime the thing she wanted to tell you about was how Trek at a fly when I opened the front door. They like to get in between the front door and the screen door and he goes nuts trying to catch them whenever I open it. She watched him snap up a fly and said, "Mmm Nummy fly!" and I told her Trek thought they were nummy but that she and I would think they were yucky. So at bedtime she told you about Trek eating a "nummy yucky fly!" I can never get over what thing she will remember at the end of the day and think is important. lol

She is so sweet to me when I cry. I have decided not to hide my tears from her. I was reading a book and it talked about how if we hide our tears from those we love we are taking away a bonding experience from them. I don't ever want her to feel that tears are something to be ashamed of or hidden. So I have stopped hiding them all the time. I let them flow freely when they decide to come, which has been often lately. I was listening to music on the computer with her in our room while we folded some laundry. The Scientist by Coldplay came on and I began to cry. I miss you so terribly sometimes and that song really fits how I feel. She looked up and said "oh no! Mommy crying!" I told her it was ok and that mommy was still happy, but that mommy was going to cry sometimes. She then grabbed one of the wash clothes we had folded and began tenderly wiping away each and every one of my tears. She kissed me and hugged me while patting my back and saying "I know mommy, I know." She truly is an Angel sent to keep me going. I wake up in the morning for her. If she weren't here I don't know that I could even get out of bed, she brings joy and light into this nightmare I have found myself living. Thank you so much for giving her to me. And thank you for this new little baby. I am sure he will bring even more joy to my life every day too.


I love you, I miss you,
Jenny

Thank you to Jill Aponte for the beautiful pictures of my sweet angel.
http://jillphotography.blogspot.com/