Gratitude and a Precious Gift

Dear Michael,
Happy Thanksgiving. I missed you a lot this Holiday, less so during the time that was busy with family and friends, but so much during the quiet time. Especially today... we went to Craigos pizza for dinner. It was fun to get out and eat with Little E and talk with my sisters and Mom and Dad, but it brought back a lot of memories and I missed you so much. I couldn't help looking over at the booth we had eaten together in last time we went. I miss you so much, and I also miss the person that I was then. That girl that was so happy and didn't have a gaping hole that can't seem to heal. I also had to laugh as I pulled into the parking lot and stopped near where I was sick when pregnant with Little E. I couldn't make it inside to the restroom and some people walked past in the parking lot. You looked at them and signaled to them that I had been drinking and that was why I was sick! You stinker. lol We really did have so many great times there. Lots of fun conversations and laughter. I miss your laugh...

I am trying very hard to maintain my grateful outlook on life during these holidays. It is very hard to watch my sisters and see them snuggled up next to their husbands and know that I don't get that this year, but I still have so much to be grateful for. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

I was looking through your computer a little while ago and found a talk you gave last year at this time. It was all about gratitude. I needed to read it. It really helped me to keep things in perspective yesterday. I thought I would share it here so that your sisters and mom could read it.


Gratitude

    When I was younger I read a book called “The Celestine Prophecies”.  In this story the main character James was on a daring adventure to reach a greater knowledge.  Along his way James was told the key to opening the floodgate of this hidden knowledge. It was to recognize the beauty in an object, person, or idea.  Once the seeker had done this, his perception of the world would change and he would be able to see how the world really was.
    This story was fiction, but I felt it did have many truths to it.  For a disciple to come before the throne of God in prayer they must first be grateful.  To be grateful one needs to recognize that everything comes from God. Everything bares his fingerprints.  Carl Sagan said, “ If you want to create an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.”   Every thing that is around us, every bug, every blade of grass, every blessing, and every trail has been created through his will, And God does not do poor work, there is beauty in all of it when properly understood.
    As a teacher I have seen this principle in my classroom.  I teach several different periods of science.  One period shows an active interest in what I am teaching, they ask questions, and are excited to learn more.  Of course I’m excited to give them more and so I am able to explain new exciting theories, inventions, and ideas that they won’t be introduced to until they are in college.  One of my other classes rarely ask questions and much of my time is spent trying to keep their attention and keep them on task, while their time and opportunity for learning and greater knowledge is lost because of their complacency.  But gratitude is the antidote to the poison of complacency.  Gratitude shows us that we are in need and moves our soul to repay those who we are indebted to. King Benjamin said to his people, “ For behold, are not we all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind? 
 In one of my favorite movies one of the main characters says, “ My father once told me everyone you see, everyone you know is asleep, but those few who are awake spend their lives in constant wonder”.  Once you can see the world that God has created then you are ready for him to give you more.
    Gratitude can be broken up into many parts. The part I want to focus on is having gratitude as a part of your paradigm.  A paradigm is the window through which you view the world.  Grief, despair, and disinterest, can tint our view making us see an ugly, bleak landscape, void of happiness, beauty, joy and kindness.  But when we fill our hearts with happiness, thank those who are kind to us, and strive to give to others the kindness that has been given us, our paradigm window becomes bright, clear, and in focus! Acts of love that have been show to you jump out where you had only perceived anger.
    When your view of the world changes in this way it is called a paradigm shift.  One example of such shifts is found in the story of the conversion of Alma the Younger.  When Alma was young he had fallen away from the church and was actively pursuing its destruction.  One day while on the road an angel appeared to him to warn him of his destruction if he did not change his ways.  Alma then fell into unconsciousness, while he was in this state he said he was, “ Racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory for my sins, behold I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of the son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.  Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried with in my heart; O Jesus, thou Son of God, Have mercy on me, who am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death!  And now behold, when I thought this I could remember my pains no more… And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light did I behold; yea my soul was filled with joy as exceeding was my pain.”  Alma’s paradigm of life was forever altered through the power of the atonement.  Where his window was distorted by sin, and disbelief, now was clear with truth and joy!  These shifts should be prayed for and sought after.  Richard Bach said, “ Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they’re yours!”  This goes for the way you view life.  If you insist upon seeing gloom, there will only be gloom. If you say there is light, there will be light through even the darkest times of your life.  As the duchess of Windsor said when asked what is the secret of living a long and happy life, “Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.”
    It is my hope brothers and sisters, that we can fill our hearts with hope and gratitude for our lord and master, that we can empty our souls of grief and despair, and lift and give balm to those who are in need, so that we may have a long and happy life!  In the name of our lord Jesus Christ amen.    
Michael-November 2009






Today I am grateful for the gifts I have been given. For the words that you left for me to find, the family I have to hold me up and support me, my wonderful ward who are loving and helpful, and a loving savior who made it possible for me to live happily with you again someday. I will try to maintain my gratitude attitude as much as possible. It seems like the times I have been happiest lately are the times that I am focused on being thankful for what I have, instead of focusing on what I have lost.

One thing that I am extremely grateful for is the talent my friends have and their willingness to share. One of my good friends wanted to help make me a new family portrait with my whole family in it. I never would have thought of that without her suggestion. However, she just had a new baby and I didn't want to distract her from loving on that precious new boy. They just change so fast and are little for such a short time... So I went and did a photo session a week or so ago with my other friend Jill Aponte. She has done such amazing work for our family and I am so grateful for all of the wonderful pictures she has given me, but most of all for this precious gift of a picture of all of us together. It is something I never thought I would get and I am so so happy to have it!

Happy Thanksgiving! I love you and miss you so much!
Love,
Jenny