The Spider and The Fly, and Daddy's Dresser.

Dear Little E,

You are such an amazingly strong little girl. I just wanted to write to you and let you know how you were handling things at this point for when you grow up and look back. You are very smart, and understand a lot about what has happened. You know about bodies and spirits and that when Daddy died his spirit went to live with Heavenly Father and we buried his body. One thing that has really helped you in your understanding is this book.

It is a very tender book that helps to explain at a level that children would understand at. I got it for you about a month after Daddy died and you asked for it every night. "Mommy, I want my new book!" That was its name. New book. You also asked me to read you "Bad bad King Noah, and good good Abinadi." from your My First Book of Mormon book. You had me read that one over and over again and still request it nearly every night.

You sometimes get upset over things that I don't think would be important. For example, you got in a fight with me about how Little M's dresser was Daddy's dresser. I tried to explain that Daddy didn't need it anymore and Little M did, but you were pretty upset about it.

Lately you have asked me to bring back Daddy. It tends to be around the dinner table. I think you remember that Daddy usually ate dinner with us and you miss him then. I usually tell you that I wish I could bring Daddy back, but that I can't. After a minute or so you will move on and be distracted by something. That tends to be the method I use when you miss Daddy. I tell you I understand, try to help you understand, and then try to distract you. That was always the method your Daddy liked to use on you too. Distraction is an amazing too. :) Especially because you are my child and I am very easily distracted!

You also really like reading Daddy books. There is one that we got from Lori E. and Jen A. for Christmas that has lots and lots of pictures of him. You like reading it. But you also love books that your Daddy read to you. One of your favorites is "The Spider and the Fly".  This was a book Daddy got from his friends at collage. He always changed the words a little bit to say "Oh no no no!" in a high falsetto voice. You liked to copy him. You were even doing part of the story this morning with your cousin. You said "Oh no no no! said the little fly. Who goes up the stairs, and then come down again!" It was so cute. Here is the real poem.

The Spider and the Fly
Mary Howitt

Will you walk into my parlour?" said the Spider to the Fly,
'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to shew when you are there."
Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."


"I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;
Will you rest upon my little bed?" said the Spider to the Fly.
"There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin,
And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in!"
Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "for I've often heard it said,
They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!"


Said the cunning Spider to the Fly, " Dear friend what can I do,
To prove the warm affection I 've always felt for you?
I have within my pantry, good store of all that's nice;
I'm sure you're very welcome -- will you please to take a slice?"
"Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "kind Sir, that cannot be,
I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!"


"Sweet creature!" said the Spider, "you're witty and you're wise,
How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes!
I've a little looking-glass upon my parlour shelf,
If you'll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself."
"I thank you, gentle sir," she said, "for what you 're pleased to say,
And bidding you good morning now, I'll call another day."


The Spider turned him round about, and went into his den,
For well he knew the silly Fly would soon come back again:
So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly,
And set his table ready, to dine upon the Fly.
Then he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing,
"Come hither, hither, pretty Fly, with the pearl and silver wing;
Your robes are green and purple -- there's a crest upon your head;
Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!"

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little Fly,
Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by;
With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew,
Thinking only of her brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue --
Thinking only of her crested head -- poor foolish thing! At last,
Up jumped the cunning Spider, and fiercely held her fast.
He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,
Within his little parlour -- but she ne'er came out again!


And now dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed:
Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly.

I love you. You amaze me every day with your strength and sweetness. Thank you for being my little sweet heart!
Mommy

Klonk Shew and The Three Little Piggies

Dear Michael,

I just wanted to tell you a couple of cute things Little E has been saying lately. About a week ago she decided to pretend to sleep and started play snoring. I couldn't help but laugh it because it was so close to what we say, but just a little off. She lay there on her blanket and said "Klonk shew, klonk shew." It was so cute that she was trying to do "Honk shew." like me.

She also has started copying another thing that I say a lot to her. I often say, "I love you Little E, do you know that?" and now she has started saying "I love you Little M, do you know that?" while she is stroking his head. :) She really does love our little bugaboo so much! I can't beleive how sweet she can be to him.

She also is really into the three little piggies story lately. She was playing instead of sleeping one night in Mom's exercise room and acting like a little piggy. Crawling around on all fours saying "Oink Oink!" So I went up to tuck her back in and told her the story for the first time. She laughed so hard and kept wanting me to tell it. She now has it totally memorized. Her favorite parts are when I blow her hair out of her face by "huffing and puffing" and when the piggies say "EEEKKK!" and run away.

 She has learned it by heart now and says sometimes says when I go to leave at bedtime, "Mommy, I have a question." I say "What's that?" and she says "Tell me the piggy story!" lol Not really a question but still very cute.  Here is a video of her telling it. She is a little hyper because of the camera and usually doesn't mess with my hair/ poke my eyes when we tell it. But you know how kids can get when they are excited. She sure does love stories though. 



The other thing she says a lot lately is "That was a good one!" whenever she falls down or something. She also says "That was a cool trick!" It is her way of turning a fall into something she meant to do. It is really funny to see her struggle not to be upset when she kind of hurts herself, and watch her brush herself off and proclaim it as something awesome! :) What a great up beat kid. I sure do love her.

Love,
Jenny

Skoodge

Dear Michael,

My nephew Alan has been watching Invader Zim lately. It brought back a lot of fun memories and laughs. I miss hearing you talk like Zim after we had watched way too many episodes. But one memory it brought back that I really wanted to record here was about Invader Skoodge.

We were really into Zim when we first got married, and during that first year in our apartment we weren't aloud to have pets. But I randomly caught a green praying mantis and we decided there would be no harm in keeping her. We caught her in our truck Smokey in the summer before we got married. It was kindof a funny story.

We went out to Beaver Dick Park to go to a party being put on by the recruiters for a security selling company. It was dark out by the time we got there, but we had fun listening to the live band, drinking free pop, and just wandering the park. I am pretty sure we took your roommate Jordan with us. I remember you laughing when we had to hike clear back in the park to find me a porta potty because I drank too much. You kept telling me how great it was to be a guy because you didn't have to worry about stuff like that. Anyways, after we found one we decided it was time to head back to your apartment because it was getting late and we didn't really know anyone at the party. We all piled into Smokey and started down the highway going a good 50 mph when something flew in the open window and landed in my hair. I screamed (You would have been startled too!) and reached up only to be pinched by a vivacious praying mantis.  She was very pretty and we decided I should hold onto her until we got to your apartment so we could keep her as a pet. I did, although she kept pinching me, and we got her there safe and sound. We named her Skoodge. We caught her flies and grasshoppers and eventually it got so snowy outside that we had to buy her crickets from the pet store. I remember hunting for flies whenever I was walking up the stairs to your apartment and how everyone in the apartment would leave the windows open to try to entice in her next victim. We would all converge on any fly silly enough to enter apartment number 6.

duh

Duh

DUH!!! Beware flies... you have met your DOOM!!!

You loved to watch her bob back and forth as she got her prey in her sights (usually while clinging upside down to the top of her cage). Then BAM! She would nail them and start munching. You always made me laugh by imitating her and saying it looked like she was eating a couple of hot dogs.

I always loved the way her eyes seemed to follow us when she looked at us. It was so cool!

We caught a male at one point and tried to breed them, but that didn't work out. She didn't kill him because you took pity on him and saved him, but the eggs never hatched. 

Eventually, in deep winter, Skoodge got to be too old. She couldn't catch her food anymore and really started to fall apart. We decided the time had come to say goodbye to our first pet. We took her outside and put her in the tree behind our apartment on a branch. It was a very cold day and I knew she wouldn't take long to go to sleep... but I remember sobbing after we went inside. You held me in your arms and just let me cry and told me it would all be ok. It was so hard to let go of our first pet, even though it was only an insect. Maybe that is just because I am a wierdo that loves bugs, but she really had the sweetest personality... when she wasn't pinching you too hard that is. We used to let her crawl all over us, on our faces even. lol Just another reason you thought that I was a really cool girl. You also used to put her on the asian wall hanging in our living room and just let her chill out there. She really did become just another part of our little family.

Anyways, I had totally forgotten about Skoodge until the other day. It is interesting to remember what was once a great heartbreak but is now just a distant sadness. I wonder now if you have been able to say hi to her. Maybe give her a big treat for me and tell her what an awesome first pet she really was. :)

Love,
Jenny

Isn't She Perty?

Dear Michael,

I so wish I could call you up during your prep period and tell you about the funny thing Little E did today. You would have laughed so hard. So here is the story. I hope you love it as much as I do. :)

This morning Little E and I were in the bathroom while I took a shower. I decided to just let her play in the bathroom instead of having her shower with me because I just wanted a few minutes to enjoy the hot water by myself. I can't turn it up as hot when she is in with me and I am always worried I will get soap in her eyes. Well, she threw a fit at being left out of the shower and then stood outside the curtain whining at me to let her in and hitting the curtain in frustration. She finally calmed down and started playing with a few toys in the bathroom. I was almost done with my shower when I realized she had been really quite for a little too long... then I smelled something I couldn't quite place... Fingernail Polish!!!

The thumb and pointer were almost as good as when I do it!

I quickly realized what it was and looked out of the shower to see her putting dark purple polish on her nails all by herself and saying "Look mommy. Isn't it pretty?" I agreed and asked her to blow on the nails and hold very still. I got out of the shower and we cleaned up the little drips she had gotten on the sink, stool, and floor. Then I put her on the toilet and finished the job for her, I ended up having to redo 3 of the 5 nails she had done because she had painted it so thick it would never have dried. But I am amazed at how well she did at getting it on her nails by herself. It looked really good considering she is only 2.5 years old. She is growing up too quickly! lol

Wish you were here to laugh at her antics with me.

Love,
Jenny

Apples in the Garden

Dear Michael,

This morning Little E got into the fridge by herself and hauled the apples into Little M's room telling me that was what she wanted for breakfast. Then she told me all about how she was eating apples in the garden in a home movie we watched yesterday. I asked who else was in the movie and she said, "daddy and you. Daddy was mowing the garden." lol I asked if she remembered playing in her playhouse and on the trampoline while you mowed the lawn. She said "Yah! And I stirred and stirred and gave it to daddy." Talking about how she used to cook you pretend food in her playhouse. There is a video of that she likes to watch on your phone. I still don't know how to get all the videos off of your phone and onto a dvd. Its really important to me that I get a copy of them, but I am not sure how to do that now that your phone is no longer connected to a service company. I would love to get a copy on a dvd of everything on there...

Here is a video of the night she was eating her first apple. It is one of my favorite memories of our new home. It was such a perfect night. Warm, the smell of fresh cut grass in the air, the taste of apples right off the tree (our sweet neighbors let us pick as many as we wanted, after this every time we walked in the back yard Little E signed apples and tried to get us to pick one for her). You were having fun learning how to use our new lawn mower. I love the joke you crack about releasing greenhouse gases by breathing. Its so you! It really was the perfect night. I loved when we were all together. Just living life and loving it because being together made everything so much more fun. Even boring chores like mowing the lawn.



Then she said "I played in there all night long with my daddy." lol I think she means all day, but its sure cute to hear her say that. She also talked about petting Trek all night long with you too. Right now she is trying to get him to "Come give me kisses on my tummy!" Because her "baby" is kicking her. She has been around way to many pregnant women lately. She is always talking about her baby kicking her and hurting her and getting the hiccups. It is so funny!

I just wanted to write down those memories for Little E because she was the one remembering them. I want her to know how much fun she always had with you. We love you so much!

Jenny

Honey its Cold Outside!

Dear Michael,

Today it is -22 but feels like -33! Brrrr. I am so glad that the kids and I have a warm house with functioning heat and lots and lots of blankets to curl up in. But as I sit here this morning I can't help but picture what the day would have been like if you were still here with us. We would have been woken up by a phone call at 6 in the morning. You would have excitedly answered with both of us crossing our fingers. "Schools Closed!" You would cry excitedly. "Too cold outside for the kids". Then we would have quietly jumped for joy and snuggled back into bed to sleep in for as long as the kids would let us. Once the kids were awake I am sure we would have had hot chocolate as a family and then probably snuggled in to watch an episode of Kipper the Dog as a family. You would have held Little M and laughed and played with him doing your best to get as many stolen baby giggles as possible. Then you would have chased Little E around the house on all fours making her scream and giggle in delight. When it came to be nap time we would probably have watched an episode of whatever our latest obsession was (I have no idea what our newest thing would have been. I am pretty sure we would have gotten through bones, dollhouse, and pushing daisies already. Who knows what we would have discovered to fill our evening hours. Popcorn and snuggling would have been the same no matter what we were watching.) It would have been a day full of family and enjoying every minute of stolen together time. We probably would have spent the whole day in or pj's. :) It makes me happy just remembering similar days in my past.



I wish this were my day. But I will enjoy the time I have with our children regardless. It just isn't quite the same without having daddy home unexpectedly. Days when school is closed always seem to be hard for me.

I love you so much, we miss you all the time. But especially when I know you would have had so much fun!

Jenny

PS. I just helped Little E wash her hands in the bathroom and she said, "I miss daddy" and I said "I miss daddy too. Did you know if he was alive Daddy would have stayed home today. School is canceled so he wouldn't have had to go to work. He would have been in the bed when you woke up. So you would have gone in and kissed him awake." She laughed her little chortle and said "And we would have played fort!" and I said "Yah! You probably would have" and then she said "And then we would have played zombies." lol You were still really into playing plants vs zombies on your ipod. She totally remembers that still. She is probably right. It is very likely that you would have played games on your ipod with her in bed for a while. I still love how she would snuggle you and slowly work her way up to sitting on your neck so you couldn't see or breath. :)

She still barely fits in these pj's, she still has that silky. Almost everything is the same as in this picture, except for you. We miss you!

I just wanted to let you know that she still remembers all the fun you had. She misses you, and she knows what you would have been like today too. We both wish you were here. But who knows, maybe you are, just in a different way.

Sibling Cuteness

Dear Michael,

Today I went to town to go to the bank and lunch with your cousin Brittany. Alan did a great job helping me out. Poor guy looked like he was married with a two year old and a really really pregnant wife. I had Little M in a sling under my coat so I looked SOOO pregnant lol. A girl even said "Man she is really pregnant!" As I walked past. It made us both laugh.

Anyways, we stayed out later than I had planned and when we got home I tried my best to get both kids down for their (late) afternoon naps.... I failed on both counts. Little E just ran around her room for over an hour being loud enough that Little M wouldn't fall asleep. When I tried to nurse him to sleep as a last ditch effort he cut his face with his nails and ended up throwing a half hour fit. Eventually I just gave up and took him in to get Little E out of her room. Little M had been sad right up until he saw Little E. Then he started giggling his head off. She rolled around the floor in her room to keep him laughing while saying "I am coming to get you! Now I am far away! Now I am coming to get you!" It reminded me of how she used to only get around by rolling.

I couldn't beleive how much she could get him laughing. It was honestly the most I have ever seen him laugh. I almost went for a camera, but decided sometimes its better to just savor the moment and store it away in your memories instead of disrupting it to record it. I can already tell that these two are going to be such great friends. Little E loves to tell people that she is a big sister, and that she sings little baby songs to him when he is crying. :) She is doing such a great job! He is really loving every minute of sisterly attention... well, the ones that don't hurt that is. But he is a tough kid and will make it through mostly unscathed. If you made it to adulthood with all your sisters he can survive one. lol

we love you,
Jenny