Thursday, March 31, 2011

Vintage Swing Night.

Dear Michael,
I call this look "House Wives should have fun too."
I had such a great time last night! It was vintage night at swing night on campus. Last semester I didn't do anything for it, I just didn't feel up to doing anything beyond the bare necessities to go out. But yesterday I pulled out the dress I wore when I graduated collage (I bought it with your Mom and sisters on our Girls trip to Boise) got my new pearls that Mom gave me for Christmas. Then I went and got my hair done. It was so fun! I told her I wanted something from the 40's or 50's and we looked at a few pictures. Then she sprayed my hair full of hairspray, curled it all in ringlets, and brushed them out. At this point I was kind of confused because I thought she would just pin all those ringlets into place. Boy was I wrong! She got out her comb and began ratting my hair, until I looked like I was from the 70's! I didn't think my hair could get that big! It literally stuck straight out in all directions! I kind of began to panic at this point because I had no idea how she could make me look pretty when I looked like I had stuck my finger in a light socket. lol But then she combed it back into this beautiful swoop that so reminded me of all my grandmothers modeling photos! She pined and brushed and pined my crazy fro into a beautiful elegant hairdo that was PERFECT! It was so worth the time and money to feel so beautiful for a night. I haven't dressed up like that for over a year. The last time was for Second chance prom with you last year (I was pregnant and felt anything but beautiful. Mostly I just felt sick), I had also dressed up the year before that (when I was too fat from my first pregnancy to fit in any of my usual dresses and I just wanted to cry...) So ya, its been a while since I felt so pretty. I loved it!
Can't you just see me vacuuming the house in those pearls! :) Ok, I know its hard to picture when I always do it in my pj's but use your imagination honey!

Seriously, how do you get that out of a fro? Amazing!
I just wish you could have been here so I could have planted a giant red lipstick kiss on your check and told you not to wipe it off until the end of the night. But I know that if you were here I wouldn't have been going to swing night anyways. It actually caused some of our worst fights during that first year of our marriage. Funny how all important I had thought it to be back then, once I gave it up I we were both so much happier. I never thought I would be going back there, salsa dancing with you every once in awhile and dancing in the kitchen was more than enough for me. I am glad I have it to look forward to now, but sometimes it is still a little awkward. However, I am learning to just stop over thinking things, and have a great time! Its so wonderful to just get out and make some new friends while getting some energy out.

This ones for you Michael!
I got so many complements last night on my costume. Some nice ones on my dancing too. I even won a "lead follow" dance competition. I did the first song with a nice boy named Nathan. Then we had to switch partners and I won with another boy named Daniel. I didn't expect that at all but it sure was fun and I got a free candy bar out of the deal so no complaints here!

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about a couple of cute things Little E did while I was getting ready. First I was changing and she looked at me and said, "Your so skinny mommy!"  I think she has been hearing people say that to me a lot lately but it totally made me laugh. Then I had on my pink robe and came out to give her more noodles for dinner and she looked at me with sparkling eyes and said in a very sweet voice, "Oh Mom! You are so beautiful!!!" Best complement of the night by far! She is so sweet and wonderful. I love her more than I can say.

Mommy and Baby Clown.
After she was done with dinner we went into the bathroom where I was doing my makeup. I pulled out blush for the first time in I don't know how long and Little E was fascinated with it! She did her cheeks, her tummy, her back, and eventually started painting "clown shoes" on her feet with the blush. It was too cute. The whole time she was talking to me and calling me "Mommy clown" she was "baby clown." I finally pulled out my bright red lipstick for the final touch and she wanted some SO BAD! I put it on her and she ran to the mirror to admire her "clown lips". Then we ran around the house dancing to BINGO and playing Simon says (her new favorite game. She learned it last Sunday and is loves it now). I think it may have been the funnest part of the evening. :)

Love,
Jenny

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Dodge Ball

Dear Michael,
I was just going through my old emails tonight. Trying to figure out how to clean out my inbox and still have a good record kept of things I have done in the past. While I was looking through I have found several little chats and emails we sent back and forth. In one you just said "Hey cakes." I had forgotten that you sometimes used my dad's nickname for me. :)

But I just wanted to share this little email conversation for your Mom and sisters because it made me laugh out loud tonight when I really needed to. This was right around the time that we were getting ready to start trying for our second baby.We had to sign up for our insurance about 3 months before we could start trying, and we wanted to start trying by December so we wouldn't have a baby too late in the fall. We ended up getting pregnant in January. It worked out pretty well, but I did miss all the nice walks in the evening fussy time. It just got cold way too fast this year! Anyways, this was around when you had started doing the before and after school program for some extra income and you were playing dodge ball with the kids. I remember you ended up breaking your ring finger at one point because you played a game with a giant ball instead of normal dodge ball. Your ring never fit right after that so you wore a fake wedding ring that was a little larger. You always got way too into the game for you (or any of the kids) good. ;)
I love you, thanks for making me chuckle tonight.
Jenny

AFLAC dates

Michael


9/8/09

Hey Jen,

The AFLAC rep will be coming in on 9/18.  I'll make sure to get us signed up.






Jennifer



Ok. Sounds good. This totally freaks me out you know. I think we should just have one kid. j/k
How did your dodge ball class go?

Michael



It was fun I'll probably start playing tomorrow.  though it's tough not to have that planning time.  I'm excited stop practicing, and getting my game face on! ;)

Jennifer



ha ha ha! I can only imagine how scared those little kids are going to be when you start chucking those balls at them! They are going to totally wet themselves!
 

My New Room!

Dear Michael,

Here is my new room! It was a lot of fun to put it all together and have it turn out so amazing. It really feels like a place for me to be me now. I loved it before, but I just needed a change. I needed to not think of you every time I walked in the room. For now... someday maybe I can handle putting pictures back up in there. But it is really nice to have a little safe haven, although I still fall asleep thinking of you most nights. But its a little easier during nap time when I don't see things everywhere I look that remind me what is missing next to me. However, there are still elements throughout the room that remind me you in a happy way, and I feel like you would love it too.

First I am going to post some before pictures. Do you remember when we went on our shopping spree after we first got married and decided we needed an "adult" room? We went to walmart and got the bedspread, picture frames, a curtain and rod, a rug (that's now on your desk in the man cave. It was kind of a grass oriental rug), and a tv entertainment center (ziggy pop sits on that now). Then you got all excited and ordered a cool oriental chess set with jade pieces and little painted tiles for the squares. It was so excited to put the whole thing together and look around at our first real project together. We were so proud of ourselves and it was so us! I remember just looking at it with you, holding hands in the doorway of our room. What a wonderful moment. It felt like all the world was ours for the taking!

The bedspread is so fun, although it has seen quite a bit of wear over the years with all the baby spit up that I have had to wash off of it. It is going to go down to the guest room now along with many of the other decorations. The two fans were from when we went to the collage for a performance of the Chinese circus. We were both in awe of the amazing acrobatics and the crazy contortionists. Then we went out and bought those fans to remind us of that night, and because we knew they would go well with our other decorations. You got a very manly fan with a golden king on it, I got a flowery one that felt so dainty in my hands that I couldn't resist it. I remember the man telling us the story written on your fan, but I can't remember the story anymore, just that it was about an old king. Maybe someday I can find someone to translate it for me. Little E sure has been hard to keep away from those fans, I was always having to remind her not to try to pull them off the wall because there were pins that would hurt her holding them up. She also loved the curtain behind our bed. She was always pulling on it and hiding behind it. She even pulled the top screw out of the wall once, remember? We always meant to fix it, but never got around to it. Well, Lori and I fixed it when we painted.

I love the paint! It really is such a clean and soothing color. :) We really did great when we picked it. And I love the color scheme. Green has been so wonderful, after all its one of the most soothing colors, but blue is my favorite. I grew up in a blue and yellow room (part of the reason we painted Little E's those colors) but blue and brown is very grown up and comfortable for me. Although Little E doesn't like it. She keeps yelling at me, "I don't like this room! Make it green!" I have to tell her that the downstairs room is going to be the green one. I will have to get it done soon so she will be appeased.

Well, enough talking time for the pictures. :)

Bedroom before. The fans are from the Chinese circus, the left hand top screw is the one Little E pulled out, the right hand decoration is what our pet Scooge used to hang out on in our living room.

The picture frame you picked out and the picture you chose to put in it. That was such a wonderful day.

Dresser before. The little picture thing on the left was a gift from you for our first Christmas together. I remember you hiding in our office at the time telling me I couldn't come in while you were making it. You cut out all the pictures, assembled it and colored a big heart on the back. :) It was the perfect gift! The bowl on the right is a wooden bowl made by my neighbor growing up. He had a wood working shop where he made amazing things. We called him Grandpa because he was like family. I hope you have gotten to meet him. He is amazing too.     
Bedroom after! I love how the pattern on the curtain looks like fish scales. It reminds me of all the times you would go out fishing and I would pray you wouldn't catch anything for me to have to cook! lol Sorry honey, I am probably the reason for all your bad luck on the river. ;)

I had to sew these valences from longer curtains because they didn't sell the matching valences. I hope to use some of the leftover fabric to make a cover for my bed-stand.

Dresser after. On top is the jewelry box you gave me for christmas the year before we had Little E.

I saw these decorations from across the store and loved them instantly! They are mother of pearl which reminds me of the last gift you gave me (a little humming bird necklace you bought in Alaska. It has a mother of pearl stomach.) I love the way they look in the room!

The new room really accents the light fixture you picked out and installed in our room! I have had several people ask if I changed that out during this week, but its just that the new room really makes it look great. :) I love it.

My napping companion. He keeps me company when I am lonely. He even came over and cuddled me last night while I cried while sorting laundry.  Love you Trek!

I hope you like it. :) I am pretty proud!
Love,
Jenny

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Painting our room.

Dear Michael,

I have so much to catch up on... and no energy/time to do it right now. But I just wanted to post a little note to you tonight. I want you to be proud of me. I painted our room today. Well, I guess I should start calling it my room. That was kind of what the whole project was about. Turning it into a space I could feel comfortable in. Don't get me wrong, I loved our room. But it was kind of painful to sleep in it without you. You helped me pick out every element of it and going to bed at night was hard. So I decided to make a change. I think you would still totally dig it! But it is definitely a change and that was what I needed. It also forced me to take out the last of your things from the closet yesterday. That was a huge step for me. It was a lot like tearing off a band aid (so many things feel that way now.) But I am glad it is done because it is no longer some hard thing "I have to do someday." Its just done. It stinks, but it is what it is. I will try to post pictures of all of my recent adventures as soon as I can, but that probably won't be until this crazy weekend is over. My sister is blessing her new baby this weekend (man I haven't even posted about him yet! Ahh so behind!!) So all the family is up including Lori who totally inspired me today and helped me get the whole room done. It was a great day. I want you to be happy with me, but sometimes I wonder if it upsets you when I change things. I hope not. It just needed to be done. After all, I told you how much I hated that splochy yellow paint before we even moved it. I used the color we had in your Man Cave so I know you would have approved of that.

I also finally finished the paint patches in our bathroom today. That project has been hard for me to tackle because I had planned on surprising you when you came home from your trip by having it done in there.  I had planned on doing it the night of the 27th after Little E went to bed. I remember walking home from Tasha's house, coming in the door and starting to make crepes for dinner. I was thinking to myself. "Lets get dinner done, her in bed, and then I will finish that bathroom! He will be so surprised when he comes home." Little did I know what was coming my way not 5 minutes later. So somehow, I never could face doing that project because you weren't going to come home and appreciate it. Well, I finally did it. I hope you like it too. I still have to caulk, but that can happen tomorrow night. Right now I am so tired!

Anyways, I just wanted to record what day I did these projects for myself in the future, and also ask you to be excited too. I love you so much. Sometimes it kills me that I have to do these things without you, but I am still proud of myself for just doing it!

Love,
Jenny

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Little E's Prayer

Dear Michael,

Little E learned a bit about prayer in FHE this week. My sister taught our lesson on how to pray: begin with "dear heavenly father", thank him for blessings, ask for things we need, and end with "In the name of Jesus Christ Amen." Since then she has done a bit better with saying prayers before bed. It has been a struggle lately to get her to settle down long enough to do a prayer without me physically holding her still, but like I said, its been better this week. Its still not as good as when you did her nighttime prayers, I never did understand how you could get her to do prayers so nicely before bed. She even said "amen" for the first time for you and then refused to say it for me for a few more weeks. lol She just liked to impress you I guess.

Anyways, tonight she said a really cute prayer and I wanted to record it for her so she can laugh when she grows up and says prayers with children of her own.
Me "Lilly, lets say a prayer. Say Dear Heavenly Father"
 Little E "Dear Heavenly.... Father..." (Messes around for a second and settles down)
Me "Thank you for, what would you like to thank him for?"
Little E "Thank you for... being good!"
Me "Please help me, what would you like help with?"
Little E "Please help me... get out of Little M's crib."
Me "In the name of Jesus Christ..."
Little E "Amen!"

She is so cute. That is the second prayer she has said this week where she has asked for help getting out of the crib. She can "fly" into the crib by herself just fine, but she can't get out on her own. Apparently that is bothering her and it is a new skill she wants to acquire. :) Maybe I should teach her how to get out on her own tomorrow so she can have an answer to her sweet little prayer.

Anyways, I hope you have a wonderful night. I thought that would bring a smile to your face.
Love,
Jenny

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Trust in the Lord

Richard G. Scott, "Trust in the Lord", Ensign, Nov. 1995, 16

Richard G. Scott

It is so hard when sincere prayer about something we desire very much is not answered the way we want. It is especially difficult when the Lord answers no to that which is worthy and would give us great joy and happiness. Whether it be overcoming illness or loneliness, recovery of a wayward child, coping with a handicap, or seeking continuing life for a dear one who is slipping away, it seems so reasonable and so consistent with our happiness to have a favorable answer. It is hard to understand why our exercise of deep and sincere faith from an obedient life does not bring the desired result.
No one wants adversity. Trials, disappointments, sadness, and heartache come to us from two basically different sources. Those who transgress the laws of God will always have those challenges. The other reason for adversity is to accomplish the Lord’s own purposes in our life that we may receive the refinement that comes from testing. It is vitally important for each of us to identify from which of these two sources come our trials and challenges, for the corrective action is very different.
If you are suffering the disheartening effects of transgression, please recognize that the only path to permanent relief from sadness is sincere repentance with a broken heart and a contrite spirit. Realize your full dependence upon the Lord and your need to align your life with His teachings. There is really no other way to get lasting healing and peace. Postponing humble repentance will delay or prevent your receiving relief. Admit to yourself your mistakes and seek help now. Your bishop is a friend with keys of authority to help you find peace of mind and contentment. The way will be opened for you to have strength to repent and be forgiven.
Now may I share some suggestions with you who face the second source of adversity, the testing that a wise Heavenly Father determines is needed even when you are living a worthy, righteous life and are obedient to His commandments.
Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more (see Prov. 3:11–12). He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain.
When you face adversity, you can be led to ask many questions. Some serve a useful purpose; others do not. To ask, Why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to suffer this, now? What have I done to cause this? will lead you into blind alleys. It really does no good to ask questions that reflect opposition to the will of God. Rather ask, What am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change? Whom am I to help? How can I remember my many blessings in times of trial? Willing sacrifice of deeply held personal desires in favor of the will of God is very hard to do. Yet, when you pray with real conviction, “Please let me know Thy will” and “May Thy will be done,” you are in the strongest position to receive the maximum help from your loving Father.
This life is an experience in profound trust—trust in Jesus Christ, trust in His teachings, trust in our capacity as led by the Holy Spirit to obey those teachings for happiness now and for a purposeful, supremely happy eternal existence. To trust means to obey willingly without knowing the end from the beginning (see Prov. 3:5–7). To produce fruit, your trust in the Lord must be more powerful and enduring than your confidence in your own personal feelings and experience.
To exercise faith is to trust that the Lord knows what He is doing with you and that He can accomplish it for your eternal good even though you cannot understand how He can possibly do it. We are like infants in our understanding of eternal matters and their impact on us here in mortality. Yet at times we act as if we knew it all. When you pass through trials for His purposes, as you trust Him, exercise faith in Him, He will help you. That support will generally come step by step, a portion at a time. While you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that comes from being enlarged will continue. If all matters were immediately resolved at your first petition, you could not grow. Your Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit or for that of those you love.
As in all things, the Master is our perfect example. Who could have asked with more perfect faith, greater obedience, or more complete understanding than did He when He asked His Father in Gethsemane: “O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt” (Matt. 26:39). Later He pled twice again: “O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done” (Matt. 26:42; see also Matt. 26:44).
How grateful I am personally that our Savior taught we should conclude our most urgent, deeply felt prayers, when we ask for that which is of utmost importance to us, with “Thy will be done” (Matt. 26:42). Your willingness to accept the will of the Father will not change what in His wisdom He has chosen to do. However, it will certainly change the effect of those decisions on you personally. That evidence of the proper exercise of agency allows His decisions to produce far greater blessings in your life. I have found that because of our Father’s desire for us to grow, He may give us gentle, almost imperceptible promptings that, if we are willing to accept without complaint, He will enlarge to become a very clear indication of His will. This enlightenment comes because of our faith and our willingness to do what He asks even though we would desire something else.
Our Father in Heaven has invited you to express your needs, hopes, and desires unto Him. That should not be done in a spirit of negotiation, but rather as a willingness to obey His will no matter what direction that takes. His invitation, “Ask, and ye shall receive” (3 Ne. 27:29) does not assure that you will get what you want. It does guarantee that, if worthy, you will get what you need, as judged by a Father that loves you perfectly, who wants your eternal happiness even more than do you.
I testify that when the Lord closes one important door in your life, He shows His continuing love and compassion by opening many other compensating doors through your exercise of faith. He will place in your path packets of spiritual sunlight to brighten your way. They often come after the trial has been the greatest, as evidence of the compassion and love of an all-knowing Father. They point the way to greater happiness, more understanding, and strengthen your determination to accept and be obedient to His will.
It is a singularly marvelous blessing to have faith in the Savior and a testimony of His teachings. So few in the world have that brilliant light to guide them. The fulness of the restored gospel gives perspective, purpose, and understanding. It allows us to face what otherwise appear to be unjust, unfair, unreasonable challenges in life. Learn those helpful truths by pondering the Book of Mormon and other scriptures. Try to understand those teachings not only with your mind but also with your heart.
True enduring happiness with the accompanying strength, courage, and capacity to overcome the most challenging difficulties comes from a life centered in Jesus Christ. Obedience to His teachings provides a sure foundation upon which to build. That takes effort. There is no guarantee of overnight results, but there is absolute assurance that, in the Lord’s time, solutions will come, peace will prevail, and emptiness will be filled.
Recently a great leader, suffering from physical handicaps that come with advancing age, said, “I am glad I have what I have.” It is wisdom to open the windows of happiness by recognizing your abundant blessings.
Don’t let the workings of adversity totally absorb your life. Try to understand what you can. Act where you are able; then let the matter rest with the Lord for a period while you give to others in worthy ways before you take on appropriate concern again.
Please learn that as you wrestle with a challenge and feel sadness because of it, you can simultaneously have peace and rejoicing. Yes, pain, disappointment, frustration, and anguish can be temporary scenes played out on the stage of life. Behind them there can be a background of peace and the positive assurance that a loving Father will keep His promises. You can qualify for those promises by a determination to accept His will, by understanding the plan of happiness, by receiving all of the ordinances, and by keeping the covenants made to assure their fulfillment.
The Lord’s plan is to exalt you to live with Him and be greatly blessed. The rate at which you qualify is generally set by your capacity to mature, to grow, to love, and to give of yourself. He is preparing you to be a god. You cannot understand fully what that means, yet, He knows. As you trust Him, seek and follow His will, you will receive blessings that your finite mind cannot understand here on earth. Your Father in Heaven and His Holy Son know better than you what brings happiness. They have given you the plan of happiness. As you understand and follow it, happiness will be your blessing. As you willingly obey, receive, and honor the ordinances and covenants of that holy plan, you can have the greatest measure of satisfaction in this life. Yes, even times of overpowering happiness. You will prepare yourself for an eternity of glorious life with your loved ones who qualify for that kingdom.

I know the principles that we have discussed are true. They have been tested in the crucible of personal experience. To recognize the hand of the Lord in your life and to accept His will without complaint is a beginning. That decision does not immediately eliminate the struggles that will come for your growth. But I witness that it is the best way there is for you to find strength and understanding. It will free you from the dead ends of your own reasoning. It will allow your life to become a productive, meaningful experience, when otherwise you may not know how to go on (see D&C 24:8).
I testify that you have a Heavenly Father who loves you. I witness that the Savior gave His life for your happiness. I know Him. He understands your every need. I positively know that as you accept Their will without complaint, They will bless and sustain you. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.


Monday, March 14, 2011

Spring Fever

Dear Michael,
It has been so nice out the past few days, it makes me want to go for walks to the park. To take Little E out and let her rider her bike (she has already grown so much and I need to raise the seat already. We tried it out yesterday and she did way better than last year with it.) But spring is kind of hard for me to deal with right now. It is hard for me to look outside and see all the things that we would be doing together. You always loved being outside and it makes me miss you even more to think about doing all these things without you. I already dealt with all the winter activities, now I have to face an entire new set. Please give me strength to look at the bright side and enjoy these things. Help me to hold strong and make it through the painful loneliness. Help me to appreciate all the wonderful blessings and family that I still have. They are all so great, but they just aren't you. I love you so so much. I miss you more than I can stand sometimes. But I made it to the end of another day. If I can make it through the days, I can make it through the years. I made it through another one. :)
Love,
Jenny