Rolling over!!

Dear Michael,

What a fun day we have had! It has been full of firsts. We helped your cousin Britteny move into collage for the first time today. :) She is going to be so fun to have around and we are so excited to spend more time with her and get to know her better.

The other big first that happened today was Little M rolling over! I thought, "hmm I should really give him more tummy time" this morning and put him on his stomach right as the phone rang. I ran to get the phone and came back out and he was on his back! I was taken aback and wondered if I had actually put him on his tummy or if I was remembering wrong. I put him on his front again and he flipped right back over onto his back! So I ran and got the camera and tried one more time... 3 minutes passed with him just staring at me like "what? Do you expect me to do that again just because you got the camera?" and then he finally gave me what I wanted! Little E was running around yelling "Good job!" at the top of her lungs and getting right up in his face to congratulate him. It is really so fun to have her around to help celebrate the firsts with me. I wish I knew if you were here too, but I am guessing you were. It only seems fair that if you are aloud to visit us whenever you have the desire (like my blessing said) that you would want to be here for all of this little boys firsts. I am guessing you were jumping up and down like the rest of us.

I looked it up and he is right on par with Little E for this first. She did it around August 24, 2008. I don't think that is the exact date, but it is pretty close. That made her just a few day's older than three months. Little M is now three months and a week and a half old. So just a little behind her. But I really haven't given him any tummy time to speak of in the past couple weeks. Lol. You can't do something if you never have a chance to try. :)

Here is a little video of some of the things he has been up to in the last few weeks. He has rolled over, learned to hold toys, really gotten into splashing in the tub, and learned that being up high is funny! I have even gotten a little braver and let him get the tiniest bit of air now. He laughs so hard when I do it, but I am nowhere near as strong as you were and will have to build up some major muscles to entertain him properly in the future. I can only bounce him a couple of times and then I have to take a break. lol



I love you so much and am so grateful you gave me this sweet little boy to bring me so much joy everyday. He is growing so fast and amazes me constantly. :)

Love,
Jenny

Sweet Potato Pie!

Dear Michael,

I have really missed cooking for you. I don't really make food much anymore because it just isn't worth making food for just Little E and I. So most nights I end up over at my Mom's for dinner. It is so nice that she is willing to help me out in that way. It has really helped me over these past months. The nights that I do make something for us I usually use the stove top or microwave. It just feels like making something in the oven has been too much effort.

Anyways, today I had your Uncle John and his family over for lunch. They are down here dropping off Brittany for collage. I preheated the oven because they were picking up some frozen pizzas at the store and I wanted the oven to be ready when they got to our house. John walked in and said, "It smells good in here. Do you have something in the oven?" I told him no and went to put the pizza's in. But when I opened up the oven, low and behold there was something in there after all! It was a sweet potato pie my sister had made for Thanksgiving! Somehow we missed it and I haven't used the oven since then... Its just been sitting in there, lurking. I am amazed that it wasn't just totally disgusting. But it just looked like sweet potato pie, almost good enough to eat. Except I am pretty sure it would have killed me if I tried it. lol

Not the actual pie I pulled out of the oven. But it looked similar.

Anyways, just thought you would get a kick out of that story! I love you and wish you were here for me to pamper you with delicious homemade foods like sweet potato pie.... ;)

Love,
Jenny

Happy New Years

Dear Michael,
I am going to tell you about the rest of our Christmas and what I have been up to later. But for now I just want a minute to be sad...
It has finally happened. I am living in a year that you never lived to see. I never ever wanted that to happen. I wanted us to die together in our old age, while sleeping together in our bed. I don't even know how to live in a new year without you. I guess I just keep on going the way that I have been, taking things a day at a time and mostly just trying to keep the children happy. But it is sure going to be hard. Sometimes it seems almost impossible. I really really miss you! I wish so badly that this new years was more like last year when we were able to run down the streets together trying to make as much noise as possible to annoy the neighbors. I hate knowing that we never get to do that again. I know a new year should be something that brings hope and a spirit of renewed strength, and tomorrow it probably will, but for now it just makes me unhappy that I have to keep moving forward. I just wish time could stop, that I could be done before having to take on 2011 too. But that isn't life. Life never stops, and I just have to get strong enough to handle it...
Anyways, Happy new years honey. I don't know what it will bring, but I will try to make it great for our children.
Thanks for letting me mope for a minute...
I love you and miss you terribly,
Jenny

Christmas Eve

Dear Michael,

Christmas Eve was pretty fun. It wasn't anything like we had planned for it to be, we stayed here instead of going to your families home and you weren't here with us, but it was still very enjoyable. This year was supposed to be the "away" year for our whole family. Kara was in California, but Scott and Amber were able to spend Christmas eve with us and brought their whole family along for the party. :) It was nice to just hang out and eat great food while the kids ran around and had fun playing with each other. We had the most delicious dinner; steaks, potatoes, rolls, and salad. Then we ate Amber's frozen pie deserts which were sooo yummy! I loved the mint flavored ones. :) I could have eaten a whole pie by myself.

After our laid back dinner we went downstairs and I told the Christmas story to the 2 year old's because my Mom told me I had too.  Apparently I am the best at translating into 2 year old-ese. I used the soft nativity and the story went something like this:
Once upon a time there was a woman named Mary who was going to get married to a man named Joseph. One day and Angel appeared to her and told her she was going to have a baby. Then she told Joseph and he said "I'm not sure how about that". But then the angel appeared to him and said "its ok, she is going to have a baby and your going to name him Jesus." Then they had to go Bethlhem to pay money to the king. But so many people where there that there wasn't any room at the hotel. So they went knock knock knock (I would use the doll to knock on each of the girls tummy's) and said "do you have room for us" then the inn keeper would say "no we don't have any room for you." So finally they ended up in a barn where animals like horses lived. Then Pop! out came Mary's baby (that was inspired by Little E saying Little M "pop came out" the morning I had him.) The angel's sang songs and told the Sheperds to go look for him under the star. The wise men saw the star too and came on their cammel to give him gifts. And that is why we celebrate Christmas. Because its Jesus' birthday party.

That isn't exactly how it went but its close. The girls really liked my knocking on their tummy's and all three wise men riding on one camel. It was really a fun story for them.

After we finished with the story we played duck duck goose for a while. Scott, Kevin, and I were right in the circle with the girls and it was so funny to watch them scream and run around when they were the goose. They still don't get the game all the way and will run any which way if you let them. So I had to guide them around the circle and often ended up snatching Little E as she ran past to get her into her seat before Kevin or Scott caught her. We all had a great time. :)

After the game we went upstairs and let the girls and Little M open a few gifts. Kevin and Laura had hand sewn towels for each of them. There was a duck for Little E, a pig for Little A, and an elephant for Little M. They were so great and the girls were really excited. :) Then Little E and Little M got to open their Christmas p.j.'s. Little E's were in a Dora backpack and she was pretty excited about that too.

Then it was time to put out Santa's cookies and the reindeer's carrots and put the girls to bed. Little E aloud me to put out a couple of her toys that she helped "clean up" for Santa. They are supposed to talk to him and tell him she takes good care of them so he will leave her more toys. This is a tradition from Michael's family, but she wasn't so sure about it this year. She had it in her head that Santa was going to take those toys away and leave her new ones to replace them and she really didn't want him too. It took a lot of coaxing and me choosing toys that weren't her favorites to finally get that part of the night done. :) She is so funny!

Once the girls where asleep the adults stayed up late and watched date night. It was a pretty funny movie and I enjoyed it. But I was very excited to get to bed when it was done. I was pretty darn tired by that point.

Anyways, Merry Christmas Eve honey. I know its a week late, but I kindof feel like you were ther watching over us all anyways. I think that's part of the reason it went so smoothly and that I felt so happy the whole time. Thank you for that. :)

Love,
Jenny

P.S. The stockings have a fun story behind them. Our first Christmas we went and bought stockings at the dollar store. Then we came home and embroidered them for each other. I did Michael's and he did mine. We sat in the living room of our first little apartment together laughing and talking while we sewed. Then we gave them to each other. I had drawn on a cute M with swirls and did a pretty good job on it for having never embroidered anything before in my life. I am using it for Little M now.

Michael used the same technique he would use to stitch up a hole in his pants. When he finished and handed it too me we realized he had done the J backwards. We both laughed and I told him to leave it because it would make me happy for years to come. So he did. It makes me smile every time I see it. :) I absolutely treasure it! I love remembering him with his tongue sticking out a little holding the thread and needle in his big hands trying to make my J. Oh how I miss those hands...

A Great Big Thank You!

Dear Neighbors and Angels,

This post is to thank all of the wonderful people who have made my holiday wonderful instead of the sad and upsetting thing I expected it to be. I have been blessed by so many anonymous people this Christmas along with my friends and family. It seemed like every time I came home (I spent most of the Holiday at my Mom's because it was just to hard to be here without Michael...) there was another gift on my door step! There are so many thoughtful and kind people in this world! I can't post about all of the gifts because there just isn't time (Little M only gives me a few minutes to post at a time) but here is a small sample.

While I was down in Provo I got a call from a friend telling me there was a large gift on my door step. She was kind enough to put it inside for me and when I came home I saw this!

It was the 12 days of Christmas. I was so surprised and it was such a cute idea that I just had to share it. Here is a list of all of the gifts that were included in the basket. Each one had a paper attached that read like the song. This list came from the 12th day:

On the 12th day of Christmas my neighbors gave to me

12 Christmas Tree Cakes

Eleven Tiny Oranges

10 Festive Pencils

9 Chocolate Truffles

8 Shiny Baubles

7 Candy Canes

6 Santa Socks

5 Silly Toys

4 Cards to Make

3 Snowman Towels

2 Mugs of Cocoa

And a CD that's very Cheery!

I couldn't beleive how much each of these little gifts meant to me. It was so nice to have something fun to look forward to doing every day with Little E. :) Thank you so much to whoever it was that gave it to us!


Another gift I received this Christmas came from a woman widowed a year ago, 2 weeks before she had her third child. It was this beautiful willow tree ornament called "remember". It truly meant so much to me. I will always always remember and treasure those memories. It brings me hope to see that others have made it through this same trial and helps me feel that I will too, in time.

Thank you again to everyone who has helped to make this season bright for my children and I this year. It really was a magical Christmas, and I am amazed at the kindness and love this world has to offer us. I wish I could thank you all individually and face to face, but since I can't this will have to do. :) Thank you!

Love,
Jenny

Dear Black Denim,

I just saw my dad's walkie talkie sitting on the shelf and it brought back some fun memories from our first year of marriage. We got married in October and were living in the Apple Tree apt complex. I remember Winter came and we bought ourselves a pair of walkie talkies to use on our shopping trips to Winco. We would go our separate ways in the store and check off our list over the walkie talkies so we could get out of there sooner. We often did this after a trip to the temple. I remember we had a goal to go to the temple at least 2 times a month at that point. Anyways, we would go shopping and we had code names that you had made up. You were "black denim" and I was "hot leather". lol I remember at one point we accidentally got onto the same frequency as the store used and you spent half our trip messing with the people on the other end. :)

The other funny memory I have was probably the second night we had them. You charged them up and decided to have some fun. You came casually out of the bedroom and leaned over to give me a kiss on the couch. Then you told me you were going to go check the mail. After you had left (this was the middle of winter so it was already dark) I started hearing spooky noises coming from behind me. Heavy breathing, growls, and other sounds. It scared me pretty bad but then I found the handset and started to tell you how naughty that was. You laughed until I said "did you take your key?" and you said "Yah..." but I could hear that you had started running. I jumped up and locked the door and laughed when you tried to get in. Like I said, it was winter time and it was cold outside. I waited a minute or two for you to learn your lesson and finally let you back in. You never tried to pull that trick on me again. lol But you sure did enjoy scaring the paste out of me when I was in the shower! I eventually learned to lock the bathroom door if I was showering when you were on your way home. You were such a stinker sometimes. ;)

Anyways, I just wanted to write down that memory while I was thinking about it because I hadn't remembered that one in years! I love you and wish you were still here to scare me and play practical jokes on me.

Love,
Hot Leather.

Somebody Loved

Dear Michael,
I have been going through the computers "random stuff" file you made trying to figure out what everything is and if its important or not. While I went through it I found this note:

"Somebody Loved"
-The Weepies


  C            Am        Em       G
Rain turns the sand into mud
 C              Am         Em          G
Wind turns the trees into bone
   C           Am      Em        G
Stars turning high up above
 F            G              C
You turn me into somebody loved.


  C              Am           Em     G
Nights when the heat had gone out
  C          Am      Em      G
We danced together alone
  C               Am          Em       G
Cold turned our breath into clouds
 C        Am       Em               G
We never said what we were dreaming of
  F                G              C
But you turned me into somebody loved.


  F                 G       C
Someday when we're old and worn
 Dm        C        F         G
Like two softened shoes
F                 G         C
I will wonder on how I was born
     Dm      C         F         G
The night I first ran away from you.


         C             Am         Em       G
Now my feet turn the corner back home
 C              Am       Em     G
Sun turns the evening to rose
  C            Am      Em       G
Stars turning high up above
 F           G              C
You turn me into somebody loved.


I love the line about the heat going out because it reminds me of the night when you decided to change our thermostat to a digital one. You couldn't figure out what wire went where and I got so frustrated that you had started that project on such a cold night. Little E was in bed and I didn't want her to get too cold. But you figured it out eventually and we all went to bed warm and toasty in the end. :)

This song also reminds me of Christmas last year. If I remember right you were helping your nephew and sister learn it for the family christmas talent show. I am hoping Missy can fill me in on more of the details in a comment or something. I loved listening to you learn new songs and really miss the music that used to fill my home. I love you so much and wish this Christmas were more like last years. Thank you so much for loving me and "turning me into somebody loved."
Your sweetheart,
Jenny