Happy Valentine's Day! It's funny, I had a lot of people very worried about me and how I was going to handle Valentine's Day this year (including me) but it turned out to be one of the best day's I have ever had. :) I am out to prove to myself and the world that the theory I used to share with you is correct. Whether you are happy or sad is all a choice. Its up to you to decide how you want to feel and how you want each day to go. A few days before V-day I was trying to ignore the fact that it was coming. I was hoping that if I didn't look at the calendar and hid myself for a few days it would just slip past without my noticing... the plan wasn't really working. Instead it just made me stress more about the inevitable.
Saturday night I came home and started reading a book called "The Message". It is an amazing book about a man who had a near death experience and what he saw on the other side of the veil. It was really nice to read, but really hard at the same time. I spent most of the night sobbing and wishing I could be done with this hard life and spending eternity with you in such a wonderful place. I thought of our reunion and what it would be like, and it was almost more than I could handle. The idea of such a wonderful thing being so far off was very hard for me. I had to go into Little E's room and hold her and read her books just to remind myself why I am still here. While I held her (and apologized to her for being so fed up when putting her to bed earlier, some nights its really hard to be a nice mommy.) I called her sweetheart at one point. At that moment I realized that she could be my Valentine. My favorite thing about Valentines day is being able to focus so much on someone I love. It used to be you, but now I can focus on our sweet kids. The moment I switched my attention to pampering her my outlook on the day totally reversed. I couldn't wait for it to come!
I was trying to figure out what to do for the big day, and decided on a Mommy-Daughter date to the mall. I was really looking forward to it, and couldn't wait to tell her about it first thing in the morning. I was sure she would be so excited. Funny how kids never react the way that you think they will. Little E woke up totally distraught over something. She does that sometimes and I think it has to do with you being gone. I think she either dreams of you, or you come visit her at night and she is upset when you are gone in the morning. I am not sure, but she almost never tells me why she was upset when I ask her. Anyways, we snuggled in my bed and played with our fingers in the sunbeams shining through the window shade (it was such a nice day!). After she was finally calmed down I was getting ready to tell her about our big date. Before I could she said "Mommy, I wanna milk a cow! I wanna squeeze the cow and the milk comes out. Then I want to get eggs from chickens." I have absolutely no idea where she came up with that one. I haven't seen any shows, books, or people that have told her about milking cows lately. I think I may have told her about it a long long time ago, but I didn't think she understood it. Anyways. I told her we could do that after our date.
Then we went to Nana's to drop off the little man. He was supposed to play at his cousins house but she has a flue, so we did plan B and had my sister watch him at Nana's instead. As we pulled out of the driveway we saw that our house had been Heart Attacked 2 times! It made the day start off great. Thank you to whoever did it!!
After we dropped off Little M (who slept the whole time we were out. What a good boy!) We headed to the mall for our date. We started out in Barnes and Noble where we read books on the floor and bought Little E the movie Cars, bought me Season 3 of Avatar, and also got her a new book. It is very sweet and really sums up the way I feel about her. Here are the words, but the pictures are lovely in it too. I wish I could post them too, but I guess the words will have to do.
By Nancy Tillman
On the night you were born,
the moon smiled with such wonder
that the stars peeked in to see you
and the night wind whispered,
"Life will never be the same."
Because there had never been anyone like you...
ever in the world
So enchanted with you were the wind and the rain
that they whispered the sound of your wonderful name.
The sound of your name is a magical one.
Let's say it out loud before we go on.
It sailed through the farmland high on the breeze...
Over the ocean...
And through the trees...
Until everyone heard it
and everyone knew
of the one and only ever you.
Not once had there been such eyes,
such a nose,
such silly, wiggly, wonderful toes.
In fact, I think I'll count to three
so you can wiggle your toes for me.
When the polar bears heard,
they danced until dawn.
From Faraway places,
the geese flew home.
The moon stayed up until
morning next day.
And none of the ladybugs flew away.
So whenever you doubt just how special you are
and you wonder who loves you, how much and how far,
listen for geese honking high in the sky.
(They're singing a song to remember you by.)
Or notice the bears asleep at the zoo.
(It's because they've been dancing all night for you!)
Or drift off to sleep to the sound of the wind.
(Listen closely... it's whispering your name again!)
If the moon stays up until morning one day,
or a ladybug lands and decides to stay,
or a little bird sits at your window awhile,
it's because they're all hoping to see you smile...
For never before in story or rhyme
(not even once upon a time)
has the world ever known a you, my friend,
and it never will, not ever again...
Heaven blew every trumpet
and played every horn
on the wonderful, marvelous
night you were born.
She loves it already, and it fits her so well. Especially considering she was born on a full moon during a thunder storm. lol
After we got her books we went to the play place, or the "tree slide" as she calls it. She had a great time running around playing with 2 other little girls her age. They all got along great and I got right down on my hands and knees and played with them. I chased her around, pretended to be a doggy, threw her over my shoulder, and had a jolly old time of it. It felt great to be able to romp around with her and not have to worry about keeping Little M safe during all of it. She had a really great time climbing on all the toys and kept telling me that she had "Sticky Feet! and Sticky Hands!" because I had taken off her socks to help her climb better. It was great.
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| Little E loves the "Tree slide" and asks to go there a lot in the winter time. |
Then we went to Claire's and let her pick out some necklaces and hair accessories. She picked out all green things. Green has become her favorite color lately. She would point to the necklace and say "I want that one. The green one. I like green! It's my fave-wit!" Then she picked out a green hair band and green flower hair elastic. After that we went through a drive through and got a corn dog kids meal and kids ice cream cone to eat at my Mom's. She ate the ice cream on the the way there, and you know what? I didn't even care! I let her eat dessert first and am glad she was having a great time! Then she took a nap and was really excited when she woke up to "Go milk the cows!!" She couldn't wait.
We went to a farm that I used to go to as a kid. The mom of the family watched me when I was Little E's age and later taught me to crochet and knit for 4-H. I love going to visit them. The whole family is just wonderful. She took us out and let Little E try everything on the farm.
We started out looking at the baby cows. Then we got to see the bunny's (they wouldn't let her pet them, but she gave it a valiant effort).
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| Bunnies!!! |
Then we got to collect eggs from the chickens. Little E was so brave. She reached right in and grabbed out the eggs. Then she petted any chicken that would hold still long enough for her to touch it. She didn't mind the noise and the movement. She just had a great time. Even Sister M. was amazed that she handled the chickens so well. :) I was very proud.
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| This chicken just sat there and let her pet it. It was nice and tame. :) |
After the chickens, we went outside and Little E got her first ever tractor ride! She got carried across the mud to the tractor by one of the boys and gave me a look over his shoulder that was so cute. She knew she was being carried by a cute boy. She was totally smitten. lol
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| First time on a tractor, and the nice boy who gave her the ride. |
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| She wouldn't touch the steering wheel. lol |
She loved the tractor ride and thought it was going so fast (even though he was driving it as slowly as he could.) I think it was one of her favorite parts. Then we went inside to try to milk the cows. She saw how big they really were and froze. I showed her how to milk it and she didn't want to at all! She would barely touch my hand while I milked the cow, but at least she got that close to them. It was pretty brave considering they are 3 times her height! Once we left the barn she all of a sudden wanted to milk the cows again. I told he we would try again another time.
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| "What are they called mom?" |
Last but not least she got to feed a baby calf a bottle. :) It was a twin and they were so cute! We helped fill the bottles and I told her to look at how big they were compared to Little M's bottles. The little boy helping us asked her what the nipple was called and she said "hole!" it made him laugh and laugh. But technically she was right. There was a hole in the top. She had a great time, but the calf kept trying to pull the bottle out of her hand which kind of freaked Little E out. She did a really good job though and was really cute with all her shrieks of delieght. After that we had to leave because it was getting really cold but she got to take the eggs and some cream home to Nana as a souvenir.
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| Feeding a calf a bottle for the first time. |
For dinner we decided to start a new tradition. It used to be that the tradition was to take you on a date, but now I am going to focus on our kids instead, so we had pink heart-shaped pancakes for dinner! We put strawberry flavored apple chips in it and red food coloring. I have to say I am pretty proud of the way they turned out. I think this will be a great tradition for years to come. Plus its a dinner the kids will actually eat!
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| Pink heart pancake (It was more pink in person.) |
We then did Family Home Evening and made Valentines for Nana, Amber, Trek, and you. That is another tradition I think I want to do. I am going to buy a card for you on the holiday's I miss you most. I really feel like hand writing something to you feels right, and I am sure you can read them too. I found the perfect card for you. Little E grabbed it off a shelf in Barnes and Noble, it said "To my Husband, on this day I remember our love. I'm grateful for you always. Happy Valentines Day." It fit so perfectly it took my breath away. I hope you like what I wrote you, and the hand prints from Little M and Little E. We truly love and miss you. Thank you so much for helping me to figure out how to have a wonderful Valentines day!
Love,
Jenny
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| Trek enjoying his edible doggy card. |
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