Pillow fight. :)

Dear Michael,

I am doing a lot better when it comes to sleeping without you now. It was really rough at first, I even had to take benedryl to be able to fall asleep. At first I had to sleep with someone else in the bed (my sister Amber), then when I finally started sleeping on my own I had to have your body pillow right next to me (I was in a king sized bed but had less room than in a twin). I also had your Dr. Pepper shirt that I used to snuggle with. I would pull it across me like I always did your arm and then pull the pillow up behind me. It made it a lot easier to sleep for a while. About a month ago I finally gave myself permission to start using some of your shirts as nightshirts. It was a big step for me. I was moving forward and feeling like using your things wasn't going to hurt me. It was nice to feel close to you at night, but in a different way. Now I have finally moved the body pillow over to your side of the bed. I still snuggle it every night, but now I have enough space to really roll over in bed etc. I don't feel scared whenever I go to bed, and I don't even feel like I need to be holding/ wearing one of your shirts. The pillow will do. I still tell you good night every night, and miss you terribly, but it is so nice to look back and see that I am making progress.


While I was thinking about how I am moving forward, I had a few memories about pillows that I thought I would share with you. :) The fist thing is that you were always, ALWAYS stealing my pillow! It wasn't while we would sleep. In fact half the time we would share each others pillows depending on which direction we were facing in bed. We were always snuggly sleepers and so sharing pillows just happened. But when we were awake and reading or something like that you were constantly taking mine, balling it up, and shoving it behind yours to give yourself a little more support. It was so annoying! lol I would come in from doing the dishes or something and try to lie down and have to fight you for it. It was always in good clean fun but you would struggle with me for a minute just for good measure and then give it back. The annoying thing was that I always had it just right for sleeping on and as soon as you balled it up it wouldn't be right anymore. I would have to punch it and get it just the way I wanted, only to have you steal it again the next time I left the room. lol

I know I have posted this several times, but I wanted to note the stolen pillow balled up under his head. lol

But I had ways of getting back at you for your misdeeds. ;) Do you remember how I used to steal your books and hide them? I was such a pest. I was even reading your journal a few days ago and you were complain about how I would pester you to get attention. Anyways, I loved hiding your books as a joke if you left the room. I especially remember hiding the last Fablehaven from you. It was right after the book had come out and you had preordered it through amazon and couldn't wait to read it!  I remember you were about to the climax of the book. You had been into it for days, gasping at intense parts and showing me the coolest pictures. I had no idea what was going on. I was letting you finish the series to tell me if it ended well before I started it. Then we read them all together (and did the books on cd too.) Anyways, so you were reading the book and I was messing around on facebook or something. You finally got too hungry to stand it anymore and went to make yourself something to eat. While you were in the kitchen I grabbed your book and hid it. You came back in, took one look at me and said. "Where is it Jen?!" I tried to act innocent and said "I don't know what you are talking about." You didn't buy it for a second. But I wouldn't tell you were it was. You searched and searched the whole room getting more and more frustrated. I told you I would get the book for you if you brought me a bowl of cereal with strawberries in it to eat. (I was really morning sick around this time and eating tended to help. But you got sick of me always asking you to get me some cereal.) You went out and I grabbed the book from under your pants in the hanging shelf unit of the closet. (You never did know where I had hid it. Well now you do! lol) You came back in as quickly as you could and gave me a bowl of cereal with 1 strawberry in it as your revenge. Stinker! lol You laughed, took your book and went to get me more strawberries.  This was all during Little E's naptime. It was so funny and I am glad that I have great memories like this to look back on. :) You were such a good sport.

I love you,
Jenny