Dinner with my Man.

Dear Michael,

Its so amazing to me how when I just can't take it anymore, I get to dream about you. I will go for weeks at a time without remembering anything I dreamed about, and then I get a blissful night full of you! :) It really is such a sweet blessing. Last night was a hard one. I missed you terribly. I ended up sneaking into Little E's room to hold her while she slept and just cried silently while I kissed her. I needed someone to hold... but it seems like as soon as I went to sleep you were there. It can be kind of confusing though. At points during my dream I knew it was a dream and even talked to you about how badly I wished it was real and that you would be there when I woke up. But eventually it seemed real enough that I was sure you were really back for good. I even felt guilty for giving away the new shirts I had bought you for work because now you were going to need them.You never got to wear most of them...

The details are already blurry, but I remember you had been camping or something and you were finally back. You were talking about scouts, I think you were still doing your old calling where you went camping with them and had an activity every week or something. But all that really matters is that you had come home. We spent some time just talking with each other, and then we had dinner with some friends. Dana, Brodi, and our neighbors Chelsea, and Bryce all came over and we had a nice dinner where we joked and talked and you told stories about your boy scout days and other fun adventures. I can't remember all of them. But I do remember the happy calm atmosphere I got to share with you all night. Our house was full of laughter, warm food, and good smells. It was bliss. I was totally disoriented when I woke up and realized you really weren't back. But that's ok. At least I got to share your wonderful company for a night.

Michael out to dinner. I think it was after priesthood session of conference with his brother in laws. Notice his funky old tie. He was always trying to get cool old ties to wear for school. He titled it "Me and the squid." Yuck! lol

I've had a few other nights like that but I only remember one other in enough detail to write about it here.  I was spending the night at my mom's in the "Blue room". I remember being really lonely that night. I snuggled up to the pillow next to me and pretended it was you. After I fell asleep you were there in bed next to me. You just lay there next to me and we talked all night. I got to stroke your arms, your face, kiss you, and rest my head on your chest. It was so lovely. I knew the whole time that you had died, and that I only got you while I slept. But the funny thing about that dream was that it was so normal. In my head you were there every night. Somehow you got to come home and sleep by me even though you were gone during the day. So I wasn't stressed that you were going to leave me when I woke up because that was normal. It was so pleasant and I loved every minute I got to spend with you. Dreams are such a wonderful gift. I look forward to my next one. Thank you for those I have already been given.



I love you, Thanks for the dinner date!
Jenny



This is one of my Dad's favorite songs and I grew up singing it around the house. It always comes to mind after a night like last night. :) I really am tempted to dream my life away sometimes, but children grow so quickly and I would miss too much if I did.