Netflix and more

Dear Michael,
I am working on all kinds of projects right now. One of them is going through the whole house and reorganizing, cleaning, and making it my own. This is a very hard process. I don't like moving things that were yours, even the little pieces of garbage. But the time has come for our house to become a home again. Not just a museum for you. I am taking the process slowly. I started with the kids rooms becuase there is almost nothing of yours in there. They are done now and I have moved on to the closets on the main floor. I am not getting rid of anything. I am not really ready for that step yet. But I am boxing things up. Moving them. Making this "our house" as in me and our kids instead of "his house" as in you. I think it is healthy. But I really really hate it...

The other project is changing things online. I changed the look of our blog and will probably do more of that in time. That was hard to do too. You were the one who made the blog in the first place. You added the music, picked out the pictures and blogs on the sidebar. All of it. It was meant for your family to be able to see what we are up to since they live so far away. It is hard to change anything you created, but it needs updating. The picture on the side is from when we were pregnant with Little E 2 years ago. Little M needs to be acknowledged too. lol

I also finally changed our netflix queue. I copied all of our history and queue first. I wanted a record of all the movies you loved and all we watched together. It is amazing how even things we watched in 08 feel like yesterday to me. I can remember the smell of popcorn, holding your hand, snuggling under a blanket. I remember comments you made, and the laughter we shared. It is wonderful that I can remember. But once again, I need to make things mine now instead of ours. It stung like pulling off a band aid. I had to hold my breath to delete that first movie from our queue that you had wanted to see and I really didn't care about. But it does feel good to have finally done it. Funny how I put off little things that I dread and they just get more and more difficult over time... But its all a process, and we are going through it.

I know this is a boring post. But it was for me. I need to keep a record of my progress, even just the little battles with myself that I finally win. It helps me to look back and see that I really am moving forward. Even if its just baby steps.

Love,
Jenny